Tuesday, February 08, 2011
IS YOUR LOVE LIFE MAKING YOU FAT?
“My husband is making me fat,” the woman sitting next to me on the plane last night whispered. (Her husband was right next to her semi-sleeping.) “From the moment we got together, he always told me how fat I was, and back then I was a 4!"
She continued, “I was so fed up with him telling me I was fat, I just gained weight, like I knew I couldn’t win so I just let myself go.”
Deep conversation for the plane right? Funny enough, the conversation started because she had been looking over my shoulder, reading my essay for the We Love Our Bodies Project. (http://sexysoulwellness.com/we-love-our-bodies/) I was writing a story about a woman, Sherry* who had always been okay with her body until a boyfriend told her she was fat.
“He would grab the fat on my stomach and shake it. Tell me it was grosse.” Sherry went on to share that her boyfriend would insist that she go on diets. “Instead of releasing weight in that relationship, I gained more.”
Furthermore, like my new friend on the plane, Sherry began to disconnect from her body more and more. The men in both their lives critiqued and judged their bodies so much that both these amazing women started to do the same.
Not all of us have partners who are critical of our bodies, but I believe most of us, women and men alike, have that Inner Critic voice within us that does the same job. I know I do!
Just a couple weeks ago I recall getting ready to leave the apartment and this is what I was hearing:
“Your hair looks like shit. I can see your gray. Those jeans don’t fit you right. Come on, you couldn’t take the time to paint your toe nails? Grosse! Why do you look so tired?”
This voice used to run my life. My Inner Critic/Perfectionist popped up whenever I was starting to feel better about my body and my Self, usually sending me down a spiral of despair and encouraging me to hide out and play VERY small in my life.
She used to be super loud, but with time and experience, I have learned how to turn down the volume. I have practiced forgiving myself for those lies that used to run through my brain on a regular basis. I have explored letting go of negative thought patterns and replacing them with self-honoring new ones like:
“I am beautiful just the way I am.”
“I love my body and myself right now and I’m so grateful for me!
Sometimes I have to fake it until I make it, but the words sink in and the Inner Critic gets softer and softer.
With tears in her eyes, the lady on the plane asks, “What do I do? How do I get better? I mean I can’t leave him.” (She shared they had 5 kids together)
I laughed as I pictured her holding a remote control, and putting her husband on mute. If only that was a possibility.:)
The truth is, she could leave her man, but even without him in her life, like ALL of us, she would most likely still hear the Inner Critic. We all do.
Yet, regarding the Inner Critic Within, we DO have a remote control inside of us and we can choose, with and Joy and Courage…
to turn down the volume, until the voice of Love is all we hear.
For support on loving YOUR body and releasing weight, email Coach Cora at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com