"You can't fail blogging...You can however, blog about failing." These were the words that my dear friend Matt shared with me through the "intimacy" of a Facebook comment on my page. Little did he know that his advice would inspire me to do something that has frightened me for over a year: Write my first blog post.
So just as the clock strikes Midnight on this Halloween 2009, I am facing my Fear. No, not the witches that fly on broomsticks, the monsters under my bed, or domestic duties that may or may not need my attention this weekend (Gag!)...I am facing my fear of FAILING...And Lord knows I have BIG, LOUD, HAIRY fear of failing at blogging.
What if no one reads my writing? What if you all think I SUCK! What if my family reads my posts and gets really embarrassed? What if I write words that bring up emotions inside of me that I don't want to face? What if I have one follower for my entire blogging venture whose name is spelled with three letters. M-O-M.
Where does this fear of failing come from? Maybe the feeling goes all the way back to getting rejected from Pop Singers in high-school (failure to live up to my musical potential), or bringing home a low grade in Home Ec (failure to succeed in any task that involves an oven or sewing machines), or maybe even that Saturday morning when I had to explain to my mom why my car was parked in the neighbor's front yard. (failure that needs no explanation)
However, I have a sinking suspicion that my Fear of Failing has to do with something much deeper. (Uh-Oh, hear goes Cora on the spiritual, soul-filled rant) I think, up until now, I have been safe in my fear. SAFE IN MY FEAR??? What does that mean? I think it means that my fear has been my companion for a long time. Whenever a dream seems too big or impossible, I join up with my friend Fear and we kick back in our lawn chairs, sip lemonade, and observe OTHER people taking action in the directions of THEIR dreams. Or we just chill with the vast majority of people in the world who are sitting on the sidelines with us. It is SO easy, almost comfortable to hang out with Fear, to keep playing small, to live my life in "What If" Land.
Yet, I don't even like lemonade. And this lawn chair is starting to seriously hurt my booty. I think I am ready to accept that Fear is going to want to hang out with me once in awhile, but I have the power to say NO.
Maybe I WILL suck. Maybe you WON'T like my writing. Maybe my parents will be my only fans. However, on this Halloween, I am going to say, that like me or not, I AM blogging. It may not be the "safe" choice, but at least I am taking action towards my dreams. To quote from someone else's Facebook account (thank you Jonathon Wilson), "If you are facing in the right direction, all you have to do is take one step forward." Let the blogging begin...