Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Are YOU a Sex Addict?

David Duchovny is one of my besties (translation: best friends in Teen Pop Culture Language). Unfortunately, he does not yet understand the depth of our connection, but I trust that he soon will. And if all goes as planned, he will also be a client of Sexy Soul Wellness.:)

If the gossip magazines are true (Yes, I read them…I lovingly call them my “crack”), then David has dealt with a raging sex addiction in the past. He has even entered rehab for this vice.

When I first saw him at my gym, I thought to myself, “Poor guy, I mean EVERYONE knows his deepest darkest secret and shadow side. How crazy would that be! He must feel awful.” Yet, he doesn’t look burdened to me. On the contrary, David gives off a peaceful, centered, and warm energy.

What if one of his darkest secrets becoming so public, has actually been a HEALING experience for him?

We all carry secrets. Some reside in our awareness and others in the deep recesses of our sub-consciousness. It is important to let these out! To express our darkness before it eats away at our insides with disease or comes out in ghastly public displays of cookiness (ie. Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan)

I am learning how to first acknowledge my dark “secrets” to myself and then to others when appropriate. I didn’t always know the ideal way to go about this.

My Senior year of college I had an intense crush on one of my best male friends. We’ll call him “Matt”. Matt was dating “Alicia”, one of the most popular girls at my college and somewhat of a rival/friend/acquaintance of mine.

I kept this crush to myself for awhile. Yet my guilt was starting to overtake me. Anytime Alicia and I spoke, my stomach hurt. Around Matt, I was nervous and jumpy. Finally, totally spontaneously, I cornered Alicia in the cafeteria and said, “I have a crush on Matt”.


I can still hear her screaming like it was yesterday.

That secret was eating away at me and it was important I acknowledge it. However, I didn’t reflect with myself on what plan of action was truly for the highest good of all involved. I kept the secret hidden for so long, almost from myself even, that it just bubbled over in the lunchroom on that fateful day.

The drama that ensued is worth a whole other blog post.

Secrets still befuddle me a bit. Sometimes I envy David Duchovny and the way the whole world knows his dark side. That must feel REALLY freeing. Maybe we should all wear t-shirts with our deepest darkest secrets on the front of them in NEON YELLOW.

Mine might read:

“Sometimes I don’t wash my hair for days”

“When I was 10, I stole crackers from my teacher”

“When I cut my fingernails, I don’t always make sure the scraps land in the trash can”

“In high school I made out with my best friend’s brother when she was in Europe”

There are more of course, but this is a good start for my T-Shirt line.

I wonder how David will respond when he finds out he was the muse, the inspiration for my new clothing company, “Wear your Truth”.

I can’t wait for the day when I see him sweating away at the gym with his brand new T-shirt with the following words in bright yellow:


The truth shall set us free, and also make a fabulous fashion statement.

For more guidance, inspiration, and FUN, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

Friday, February 18, 2011

Do YOU have Regrets?

“I had to visit Florida to realize I was NOT a Florida person,” my beautiful Wellness Coaching client shared. “What I DID realize, was that California would be ideal for me.”

She and her boyfriend are now planning their exciting move from New York City to the Los Angeles area.  They are thrilled and this decision feels so aligned with their authentic Selves.

Yet, she had to visit a place that did NOT align with her Truth, FIRST.

In my life, I have had plenty of “trips to Florida”.  Here are just a few:

-I had to date the drug addicted, alcoholic, rebel guy in high school (okay a few of them), to recognize that they were not my ideal partners.

-I had to live out a Party Girl Lifestyle for a year or two (sorry parents) and have a couple alcohol induced traumas to realize that this extreme behavior did not align with my Truth.

-I had to live in the suburbs of Fairfield and Westchester Counties to understand that I LOVE and resonate the city lifestyle at this time in my life.

-I had to become an elementary school teacher and be completely overwhelmed and stressed to take the action steps towards the career of my dreams. (YAY for Sexy Soul Wellness and performing)

We all have “trips to Florida” in our lives and thank goodness that we do.  So often, it is when we head in a direction that is not aligned with our Truth, that we can recognize this discrepancy and change course.

I do not see these trips as wasted time or reasons to have regrets.

Please comment on the following question:

What are YOUR “trips to Florida” and how have the pointed you in the direction of your authentic dreams and desires?

For more guidance, inspiration, and FUN, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot.  (All sessions are over the phone!)  www.sexysoulwellenss.com

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


“My husband is making me fat,” the woman sitting next to me on the plane last night whispered.  (Her husband was right next to her  semi-sleeping.)  “From the moment we got together, he always told me how fat I was, and back then I was a 4!"

She continued, “I was so fed up with him telling me I was fat, I just gained weight, like I knew I couldn’t win so I just let myself go.”

Deep conversation for the plane right?  Funny enough, the conversation started because she had been looking over my shoulder, reading my essay for the We Love Our Bodies Project.  (http://sexysoulwellness.com/we-love-our-bodies/)   I was writing a story about a woman, Sherry* who had always been okay with her body until a boyfriend told her she was fat.

“He would grab the fat on my stomach and shake it.  Tell me it was grosse.” Sherry went on to share that her boyfriend would insist that she go on diets. “Instead of releasing weight in that relationship, I gained more.”

Furthermore, like my new friend on the plane, Sherry began to disconnect from her body more and more.  The men in both their lives critiqued and judged their bodies so much that both these amazing women started to do the same.

Not all of us have partners who are critical of our bodies, but I believe most of us, women and men alike, have that Inner Critic voice within us that does the same job.  I know I do!

Just a couple weeks ago I recall getting ready to leave the apartment and this is what I was hearing:

Your hair looks like shit.  I can see your gray. Those jeans don’t fit you right. Come on, you couldn’t take the time to paint your toe nails? Grosse! Why do you look so tired?”

This voice used to run my life.  My Inner Critic/Perfectionist popped up whenever I was starting to feel better about my body and my Self, usually sending me down a spiral of despair and encouraging me to hide out and play VERY small in my life.

She used to be super loud, but with time and experience, I have learned how to turn down the volume.  I have practiced forgiving myself for those lies that used to run through my brain on a regular basis.  I have explored letting go of negative thought patterns and replacing them with self-honoring new ones like:

“I am beautiful just the way I am.”

“I love my body and myself right now and I’m so grateful for me!

Sometimes I have to fake it until I make it, but the words sink in and the Inner Critic gets softer and softer.
With tears in her eyes, the lady on the plane asks, “What do I do?  How do I get better?  I mean I can’t leave him.”  (She shared they had 5 kids together)

I laughed as I pictured her holding a remote control, and putting her husband on mute.  If only that was a possibility.:)

The truth is, she could leave her man, but even without him in her life, like ALL of us, she would most likely still hear the Inner Critic.  We all do.

Yet, regarding the Inner Critic Within, we DO have a remote control inside of us and we can choose, with and Joy and Courage…

to turn down the volume, until the voice of Love is all we hear.

For support on loving YOUR body and releasing weight, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot.  (All sessions are over the phone!)  www.sexysoulwellenss.com