Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Deserving of our Dreams?
I recently read that Roberto Assagioli, a famous psychologist, defined neurosis as "vacillating in the decision seat".
Oh boy, can I relate to this. Just yesterday morning, I received an amazing email from the father of the family I tutor. I rolled over in bed as my alarm blared, tried to turn of my phone and noticed a blinking red light, informing me of a new email. As I read the words, my heart almost jumped out of my chest!
We have sort of a crazy idea. Not sure if it would interest you so it's an open invite. For spring break we are going to Geneva Chamonix and then Verona Cortina and Venice. If you would like to join us for some or all of the trip we and the kids would love to have you."
What a way to wake up! I was floored! My dreams were coming to fruition. I have an Ideal Scene/Vision Board hanging up in my bedroom titled TRAVELING. Underneath the main heading there is one line that reads: "I am lovingly saying yes to traveling for my job." Another line says: "I am joyfully accepting opportunities to travel for free!" Under my ideal scene for my Tutoring Job, it reads, "I am gratefully receiving amazing bonuses and gifts."
Here was the Universe saying YES, the co-creating was in Full Force! I was so pumped!
So what happened next? I was on a high most of the day. Then, in the evening, I felt a shift. I felt my brain start to THINK..."Wait a minute Cora, you have homework. Weren't you going to deep clean your apartment? What about your business? What if it isn't fun? You haven't skied since you were 13." I began to realize that my Over-Thinking was starting to lead me to Paralysis by Analysis or Assagioli's definition of neurosis.
I was starting to feel a bit crazy. And then Ben asked me the most important question ever.
"Cora, remember how you felt when you first heard about this option? You were so excited and ready to go! You saw it as the Universe manifesting your desires and dreams." Then he looked at me carefully, like he wasn't quite sure how to say this next part. "Cora, is there a part of you that doesn't feel like you DESERVE this gift?"
Whoah! He zoomed right in on one of the major reasons for my vacillation. There was a small, but loud, part of me that didn't feel deserving, as a tutor, employee, or person. And that part of me was gaining power from my over-thinking and indecision.
Limiting Belief: "I do not deserve to have all my wildest dreams come true."
This line in my script does not serve me anymore. This keeps me playing small!!
Self-Forgiveness: "I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I am undeserving of gifts, bonuses, or manifestation of my dreams."
Whew. Much better. Deep breath. I totally deserve to have all my dreams come to fruition. We all do! Why? Because God/The Universe/The Divine has put us on this Earth to live out our true exciting, exhillerating, incredible life's purpose. This does not mean playing small. As John Rogers states, "It's foolish not to win in your own fantasies." Or Marianne Williamson, "We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us." or "What you are truly seeking, is also seeking you."-Clarissa Pinkola Estes
This or something better for the highest good of all concerned!
When I put my intentions into the care of the Universe, the Universe responds tenfold. Why? Because I am fulfilling my destiny. I am serving my calling as a Divine conduit of light, love, and miracles. I choose to say YES to the magic, to trust the Divine Process, to leap into the unknown. Then, my only job is to express deep gratitude, excitement, and enthusiasm for the magical manifesting that is truly occurring in my life, in all our lives, when we open our eyes, our ears, and most importantly, our hearts.