Sunday, September 19, 2010
My name is Cora and I am a People Pleaserholic.
I'd LOVE to say "Up Until Now" or "In the Past" ...I have been a People Pleaser.
Unfortunately today, my disease struck again.
I told my amazing friend Elizabeth that I would meet her at church. 1:45...I will be there. No problem.
At 1pm, I sent the infamous text that did not go through, "I am not sure if I can make it to church today. My body is telling me to slow down and not try to rush to be anywhere." For some reason the AT&T wizard was mad at me, because he stole the text and ate it up for lunch.
Then at 2:10, (okay already really late), I sent another one. "I'm not coming. I can't wait to hear all about it. Enjoy!"
Suddenly, I looked at my phone and realized that the first text had disappeared into the nothingness. And my addiction began to take over. I pictured beautiful Elizabeth, all alone and standing outside the church staring longingly into the stream of people walking down 86th St. She would smile, thinking she caught a glimpse of me, and then her heart would fall as she realized it was just another 20-something brunette juggling 3 or 4 ridiculously large mismatching bags. (as per my usual...gym bag, grocery bag, purse...at least I don't have one of those little new york doggies because that would warrant yet ANOTHER bag)
"Oh Cora," My Authentic Self said to my small self. "Don't be silly. Elizabeth is FINE. She is loving church and having a great time. Trust me, her happiness is not dependent on you."
Okay. I felt better. Then I went home and proceeded to punish myself. The punishment of choice? I ate Ben's left over sub sandwich. This thing had ingredients that my body hasn't tasted in years. Of course, my energy plummeted. I could have fallen asleep on my dining room floor.
Noticeably down and out, I tried to go for a walk to regain my spirits. Yet, all I kept thinking was that Elizabeth was mad at me and so was God. I mean I skipped church for the sauna at my gym for Christs...um, I mean for Gosh Sakes.
My goal was to forgive myself and move on BEFORE I was forgiven by Elizabeth or God, yet I was checking my phone every other minute for a text or a call. Definitely OCD. (Dead giveaway of a People Pleasing Addict)
I walked by a Methodist Church with a 6pm service. Maybe I could find a blond uncannily resembling Elizabeth, bring her here, and pretend the "whole missing church thing" never happened.
Finally, I came home and emailed her. I had texted, called, and now email was my last resort. Did she hate me? Was I ex-communicated from the church? I was devastated.
10 minutes later, I recieved these words from her:
Hi my love!
No worries at all about today! Four of my friends came, I couldn't believe it. I felt like it was my birthday. Of course, I missed you and was sad for you to not meet them but I know it will all happen in time.
I've been with them since the service, so that's why I've been detached from my phone.
I love you!
So I felt pretty silly.
And a little relieved. Okay A LOT relieved.
Another brilliant opportunity for me to forgive myself for judging my people pleasing tendencies. Elizabeth and I were fine. I mean she had FOUR friends with her and felt like it was her BIRTHDAY, people!
I feel better.
Still waiting for that email, text, or call from God though.