The Prom Queen Strikes Again

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" or "losses".

I am a center of pure, loving consciousness.

This weekend, I was in Los Angeles attending my Graduate School, University of Santa Monica where I am receiving a degree in Spiritual Psychology. This month we had presentations as well.

"Great, awesome, fabulous," I thought to myself. "I love public speaking, love presenting. This will be a beautiful experience."

My dear readers, I was positively jazzed for this assignment. I spent an hour or so creating posters for my Spiritual Approach called IsCupid Matchmaking Services or Inner Soulmate Cupid.:) "Our mission is to pair our clients with their Inner Soulmate. We believe that the deepest life partnership is the one within."

A blast to write and a joy to present, I spoke about the importance of Self Dating and falling in love with your Inner Soulmate. The benefits of the approach included wholeness, the Knowing of one's Intrinsic Self Worth, and also the Remembrance of our unending Union with Source.

Well, all was peaceful and fine in Cora Land UNTIL our small group (we presented in front of 15 other people or so) VOTED ON THE BEST PRESENTATION. The top presenters from each group would share their approach with the whole school.

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" and "losses".

I am a center of pure, loving consciousness.

Suddenly, I felt a part of my Basic Self, my Ego, coming forward into my awareness. I call her the Prom Queen.

"Ooooh! A competition," the Prom Queen squealed. "You have to win. I mean, public speaking is YOUR thing. And come on, Cora, you know that in order to a be STAR student at USM you have to be picked to perform."

Then my Higher Self, "I hear you Prom Queen and I understand what you are saying. I love you. However, I trust and surrender to this process. Whoever is "meant" to present, will be the one to receive this opportunity."

Deep breath. We voted. I tied for the top presentation. We voted again. I "lost".

Deep breath. I truly found a place of gratitude and acceptance within. However, once in awhile I would still hear the Prom Queen saying, "You aren't a truly successful student because you didn't win."

The next day, the day of the final presentations, I felt a bit off. I noticed that I was seeking outside affirmation or ego strokes from others including my friends and teachers. It was like I was trying to make up for this perceived "loss". It did not feel very good and it felt especially incongruent with my Authentic Self.

Through an incredible counseling trio, I was able bring up that Prom Queen and really address that for years, I searched for my self worth through accolades and outside affirmation. I wanted to be the best student, loved by the teachers, the best friend, adored by her peers, and most notably I wanted to "win".

As I looked deeper into this part of myself and my life, I thought of my Spritiual Approach, my presentation. If I am in union with my Inner Soulmate, I am in love with Self, in the Knowing of my unending union with Source, and totally aware of my intrinsic self worth as a Divine Being having a human experience.

When my Prom Queen popped up, I recognized that I was letting her run the show, instead of Spirit, of God. I was allowing my Ego to make me feel "less than worthy" and in desperate need of outside affirmation.

I was allowing the Prom Queen to be my Queen, my God, my partner in life. Instead of my Inner Soulmate, my Authentic Self.

Time for Self-Forgiveness...

"I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I need affirmation from the outside to prove my worthiness."

That feels wonderful. Deep Breath. My Prom Queen is a part of me. I am grateful for her. I am. She served a purpose in my life for many years. But I don't need her anymore. She can rest, take off her crown.

Better yet, she can give the crown to my Inner Soulmate.

I blink back tears of love as I watch the beautiful "best" presentations. I am in awe of the Divine wisdom, the love, the courage of all of the presenters. Especially the Goddess who presented from my group. Her light shines so bright as she speaks, her love and words touch me to the core.

I feel absolutely HONORED to be in the audience, to be witnessing and supporting my amazing classmates. The Universe really knows what She is doing...

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" or "losses".

I am Center of Pure Loving Consciousness. I AM my Inner Soulmate.