Yesterday, at Grand Central, I was approached by a 60-something year old man in a business suit. He looked harmless, however, after some interesting pick up lines,(model scout? Sure Buddy, and I'm Santa Claus) asked for my number. When I answered, "Um, I'm married", he didn't flinch and responded, "Yes, but are you HAPPY?"
Whoah! At first, I was flabbergasted. How could he ask that? I mean, of course my marriage is HAPPY. The nerve!
And then, Tiger Woods flashed into my brain...and Leanne Rimes, Brittany Spears, Okay so most of Hollywood. To be honest, I even thought of some of my own acquaintance, friends, and family members, and MYSELF. Is everyone ALWAYS HAPPY in their marriage? No, no we are not.
I think that one of the differences between marriages that last and those that don't is the MOTIVATION for getting hitched. If one is searching for wholeness, to be complete, to be given happiness from a partner, then sorry to say, but failure is imminent. If a person is looking at marriage to MAKE them happy, then I truly believe a disaster awaits.
My grandparents, Tutu and Grandad were married for over 50 years. They have since passed on, but in a conversation with them a few years back, my grandfather said, "Cora, the only way you know you are ready to be married, fully committed to another, is when you know you would be COMPLETELY great on your own." Then he turned to my Grandmother and said, "Liz, I know you would have been Great on your own." She took his hand, and said, "Only HALF as great."
It was a beautiful moment, and I love the sentiment. However, my grandmother WOULD have been great on her own. My Grandfather too. And that, friends, is the key. (in my humblest of opinion) To be Great on your own. To be HAPPY on your own. And then, to SHARE that amazing wholeness, Divine love, and internal Joy with another Soul. How beautiful! What a gift!
"You complete me." The line from Jerry McGuire literally makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Tiger Woods, Hollywood, friends, family, let's all complete ourselves...find our own sense of Wholeness. Be our own Soulmates. Let's be HAPPY inside ourselves FIRST, and watch our relationships with others flourish.
So Mr. Grand Central, YES! I am happy, but not BECAUSE of my marriage, I am JOYFUL to be alive, to be ME, in love with life, and my marriage is stronger and more fulfilling because of it!
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7 comments:
Whoa! That was great, Cora :) I loved it!
I totally agree, Cora! I've even told Matt before that I would be perfectly happy alone, I just chose to spend my life with him instead! :) Our relationship adds nothing but wonderful things to my life, but the core that's there (me) is great on its own.
Love the blog!
-Kara
Cora...you did a beautiful job of laying out the case for needing to work on ourselves first....and seeking happiness and validation from the inside. It's a powerfully different way of looking at relationships...and breath of fresh air...
beautiful!!!
tutu would have been great on her own, what an inspiring couple!
Thank you Cora for articulating. You bring a very important perspective to light. Though my husband and I are splitting up after 7 years together, he came into my life within a few months of me realizing, acknowledging and celebrating the fact that I did not "need" to get married. I was living in this beautiful space of embracing my divine, sexy, loving woman, while reveling in the experience of feeling so complete with me. There is no doubt in my mind that because I was in resonance with such an essential and beautiful truth, I attracted into my life the man who would become my husband. Our marriage was challenging but beautiful, we just want very different things going forward. We are fortunate that we are able to move with grace and love in the process of separating.
Love it, Cora. I can't think of a better answer to his question :-)
PS: And thank you for the Dodge Ball reference!
Amen! Continue to be used by the Divine,Cora.
Love, Lisa Moore
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