My Sexy Soul

Dear Men of the World

2011-07-23T16:03:00.002-04:00

http://sexysoulwellness.com/

NEW BLOG POST!

Cora Confession 2.0

2011-07-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Check out my Latest Confession! Can you relate?? http://sexysoulwellness.com/

Bull Sh** I told Myself

2011-07-05T19:34:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest post!

http://sexysoulwellness.com/

They Told Me I would Go To Hell

2011-06-26T12:30:00.002-04:00

Latest Blog Post in honor of Pride Weekend in NYC: http://sexysoulwellness.com/2011/06/26/they-told-me-i-would-go-to-hell/

Love you all! xoxo

Let's talk about Fear Baby!

2011-05-20T13:22:00.002-04:00

http://sexysoulwellness.com/2011/05/20/let-talk-about-fear-baby/

NEW BLOG SITE!! Come find me and make sure you enter your email address to receive the blog posts by email!

YAYAYAY!

Sleep Emails...and No She was not Drunk

2011-05-04T12:28:00.000-04:00

I just posted a new blog!!!!

www.sexysoulwellness.com

Check it out and enter your email address into the home page to receive my blog posts by email!!

YAYAYAYAY!

I'm Hurting

2011-04-22T11:09:00.000-04:00

Hi all!

Here is the link to my Earth Day Blog Post!

http://sexysoulwellness.com/2011/04/22/im-hurting/

Remember, I am shutting down this Blog ASAP to move to my other website. Please enter your EMAIL address on the Home Page to make sure you continue to receive the Blog Posts by email.

Loooove and liiiiigggght~

Happy Earth Day!

Cora

How Cancer Taught Me To Love

2011-04-19T13:23:00.002-04:00

Hi All....

I am closing this blog soon!!

Here is a link to my new blog: http://sexysoulwellness.com/home/blog/

Please submit your email address on the home page to receive my blog posts by email!

LOVE YOU ALL SEXY SOULS!:)

Cora

5 Tips for Weight Release through Intutive Eating

2011-03-29T12:25:00.000-04:00

Sprawled on the stained kitchen floor, frantically scooping mounds of Green Tea Soy Ice Cream into my mouth like a ravenous animal, I knew I had to find a way out of my disordered eating patterns. This was a common scene a dark period of my life called the Diet Addiction years.

For six years, my life was ruled by rigid eating and dieting, replete with obsessive exercising. The constant deprivation would soon lead to binging. My body was not happy and I did not trust it to find its natural weight and size on its own.

Consequently, it rebelled by gaining weight. I believed that I had to force my body to the ideal size by following strict rules and guidelines from a multitude of trend diets. I tried everything from veganism to Atkins. My weight was constantly yo-yoing and no matter what my size, I did not love what I saw when I looked in the mirror. In fact, I loathed my reflection.

Not long after the Green Tea Ice Cream experience, I went to the library to find another diet book, and instead saw How Much Does Your Soul Weigh, by Dr. Dorie McCubbrey. The book introduced me to Intuitive Eating, an incredible strategy for weight release and most importantly for FREEDOM from the Diet Addiction.

Here are 5 tips for weight release through Intuitive Eating:

1) Decide to trust and accept your body (and let go of the diet mentality)

During my Diet Addiction, I was sure that if I trusted my body’s wisdom, I would blow up like a balloon. Little did I know that my body actually wanted healthy food…eventually! When I started letting my body run the show, at first it wanted sugar cereal morning, noon, and night. Of course! I had deprived my body of this food for a very long time. Soon, my body started gagging at the site of a cardboard cereal box and started asking for fruit, veggies, protein and other healthy foods.

I also let go of any rules, regulations, and plans that contributed to the diet mentality. For example, “no eating after 8pm”, “don’t mix carbs and protein”, or practicing strict calorie counting. These mind games confuse our body and cause us to stop listening to our body’s true hunger signals.

Our bodies know their natural size and weight better than we do! When we trust our body’s wisdom about what to eat, how much, and when, our bodies find their natural set point on their own.

2) Recognize You are Hungry (A GOOD thing!)

For years, I thought that hunger was the devil. If I felt it, I tried to talk myself out of it, drink tons of water, or chew gum. I thought if I just pretended that I wasn’t hungry, then I would reach my ideal size and finally love my body. Instead, I would wait to eat until I was famished, and then finish off so much food in one sitting, I could rival Michael Phelp’s meal sizes.   Consequently, I felt awful.

In Dr. Dorie’s book, she recommends the Hunger Scale. My clients and I have found this very helpful.   The Hunger Scale consists of the numbers one through five. At one, we are completely full and at five, we are famished. The goal is to eat when we are at a three or a four, not wait until we are famished. It sounds simple, but can be life changing. Eat when you are hungry! Our bodies know what they are doing!

3) Discover WHY you feel hungry.

Most of the time, when we are hungry, our bodies are asking for energy! Yet, sometimes, we think we are hungry when we are not. We might see a piece of luscioius carrot cake, and trick ourselves into thinking we are at a 3 or 4 on the scale. The key is to be aware and mindful while salivating over the dessert. If you know you are not at a 3 or 4, have a small piece or a taste. There is no reason to deprive yourself as this can lead to binging later on. (Green Tea Soy Ice Cream incident)

A third reason we might feel hungry is because we are emotionally hungry. I have a client who found herself eating at night when she was home alone and bored. She knew she wasn’t hungry, but the food helped numb the loneliness. Together we worked on strategies to help her express the emotion instead of try to shove it down with chocolate.   Her favorite idea was playing loud party music and dancing around the apartment.
What are your strategies for Emotional Hunger? Some examples are dancing, singing, writing, calling a friend, going outside, screaming, crying, or laughing. The main point is to EXPRESS YOUSELF!

4) Listen to what your body WANTS to eat. (Letting go of the shoulds)

I used to have the world’s largest Good Food and Bad Food List, based on whatever diet had become my most recent religion. To truly practice intuitive eating effectively, I had to throw away the list! It was scary, but I did it! I allowed my body to guide me towards what it wanted to eat.

When you are aware that you are at a 3 or 4 on the hunger scale, don’t look in the fridge or cabinets.   If you are at a restaurant, refrain from looking at the menu. Decide what your body wants FIRST. Then, do your best, to follow your body’s wishes, even if that means placing a special order at the restaurant. You will start noticing that your body knows what it needs and will balance out naturally between proteins, fats, and carbs. You do not need to overthink the process of choosing what to eat. Just listen.

5) Eat the amount of food that your body needs! (It’s not about “finishing your plate!”)

Our parents had good intentions when they told us to “finish your plate.” This may have been followed by the guilt trip regarding children with no food in 3^rd World countries. However true statement might be, we live in a country with a love affair with MEGA portions.

When intuitive eating, you do not need to eat the portions you are served. Remember that it takes the body twenty minutes to register it is full. I recommend getting up from the table, starting the dishes or using the restroom, and then coming back to the plate to see if you are still hungry. Also, the stomach is approximately the size of your fist. It does not need much more food than that in one sitting.

Mindful Eating will assist you in this endeavor. When enjoying food, always sit down, slow down, and chew each bite at least 10 times. Experience the food and the succulent flavors. Appreciate where the food came from and what people helped bring the food to your plate.

When you think you might be full, YOU ARE FULL. And remember, you can ALWAYS have more food later if you are hungry.

When I began to listen to my Inner Guidance about eating, I finally made peace with food, found my natural weight, and most importantly began to love my body. I now live in awe of my body’s wisdom and support clients in reaching a similar place of acceptance and freedom. It used to be painful for me to catch my reflection in the mirror. Now, I look in the mirror and see Love.

For support on loving YOUR body and releasing weight, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 30 minute Inuitive Wellness Coaching Session. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

Picture from: http://woldfitness.com/2009/08/mobile-unit-frozen-heat-for-a-hot-body/

I'll take Fries with that Shake

2011-03-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

by Sexy Soul Guest Blogger, Currie Rose

Last night, I was elated to have a few dollars to eat at In 'n' Out Burger. While I sat and waited for my oh so good yet oh so bad indulgence, I noticed a homeless man walking around asking for spare change so that he could buy some french fries. Most... no every person he asked turned him down. I think it was because he was either really drunk or so lonely that he was on the brink of sort of losing his mind. I mean, he was drooling a bit and couldn't walk very well... and his speech was very slurred and quite loud.

My heart went out to him as everyone he approached turned away or squirmed in discomfort from having to witness or maybe even be part of the "spectacle" he was making.

I wanted to walk up to him and give him my left over change which was more than half of what he needed to purchase fries... but part of me was also uncomfortable being brought into his awareness. He eventually did approach the bench I was sitting on and slurred out, "Excuse me, do you have spare change so I can buy french fries."

Everyone else in my area either looked down or pretended to be busy. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the change I had and handed it to him noticing that his hand was wet, so I diligently dropped the change in, trying to be full of unconditional love.

His eyes lit up like a little boy and he said, "THANK YOU!" I smiled and watched him get in line to order his fries. As he stood waiting, he looked at me and waved like a little boy who was having THE BEST day of his life... "I'm gonna get some FRENCH FRIES!!!!!!"

I felt sort of like the mom observing her kids at the McDonalds Play Palace. I waved back from my bench trying to feel comfortable and stay centered in my own choices/loving rather than judgment from others.... or even from myself.

When he had his precious fries he gleefully walked up to me and said, "Thank you! Here have a fry." I said, "Oh thank you!!! but I am going to get some of my own... you keep them ALL." He persisted and eventually I took one... wanting to eat it and show by example that he is worthy... but also wanting to protect my own health because he was drooling.

So, I held onto it and he said, "I love LOVE. Thank you. I love you... You are nice." (I didn't get a creepy vibe from it... I think he was just acknowledging universal love and compassion). I wanted to say something like, "You are loved... I'm so glad you exist!!"... but I didn't want to attract more attention... so I smiled and said, "Thank you."

He went on his way and I walked away feeling a little happy to have helped him and a little sad that I stayed small and didn't express compassion the way I would have wanted for fear of judgment from deviating too far from social norms. I am quite grateful I met him though... as I understand it, he served as a brilliant teacher in getting me to think bigger in terms of compassion... he certainly brought me out of my comfort zone... and isn't that where the best learning and growth takes place?

Rob Brezsny said, "The greatest gift you can give might be the gift that you yourself were never given. Give that gift...Heal yourself by healing others."

I've always wanted to be loved and accepted just as I am in any moment with non-judgment and no condemnation for where ever I am in my life... Well, in honor of being the change I wish to see in the world, I was given a brilliant opportunity to give what I always wanted and to be aware enough to practice non-judgment and non-condemnation. For that, I am very grateful.

Afterward, I got to thinking.... Since I believe we are all one, the discomfort I felt in his presence must have been a reflection of a disowned aspect of my own self and his existence triggered that part of me and caused me to feel resistance in showing him (or really myself) love.... I love that I was given a chance to give the gift of unconditional love not only to a valuable person.... but also to myself.

Currie currently resides in Southern California on random couches and in her car. She enjoys making waves and thinking outside the box. Currie's goal is to travel around the world, spreading love and building community. She is currently working her way to Minnesota for her next tour stop and is reviewing offers for anything beyond that. For more information on her travels or how to host her go to: www.currierose.wordpress.com

My Crazy Ex!

2011-03-15T12:46:00.000-04:00

Hi beautiful Blog family!!!
Please check out my article on Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Life Site!
http://www.crazysexylife.com/
THANK YOU!! Please comment if you feel so moved!

Photo credit: incurable_hippie

EMBRACING MYSTERY

2011-03-06T22:37:00.000-05:00

By Suzanne Boothby! (an AMAZING, SEXY, and MYSTERIOUS Guest Blogger!)

A few friends of mine have recently commented on the color of my hair.

“Your hair looks so red. Did you dye it? Did you change your shampoo?”

“Nope,” I reply.

But it’s funny. My hair does look redder these days. In the summer, it gets these amazing golden highlights. But usually in the winter in turns sort of brown and dull.

I have no idea why my hair turned a deeper shade of red. But, oddly enough, it does coincide with a moment that happened about a month ago.

I had just returned from an intense business trip. My boyfriend and I broke up. A few freelance projects fell through. The bathtub in my apartment backed up with water and almost flooded my entire apartment.

I was a total mess. I was not planning on any of these events. But I couldn’t help but notice with so many things going awry, maybe I needed to tap into my spiritual well.

So I took a day off from friends, family and work and just listened.

One persistent thought came to me. “I need to embrace mystery.”

Mystery is not something I typically put in my calendar of to-do items. I like to plan my work and work my plan. I like to voice my goals and then put them into small manageable pieces, so I can make them happen.
When my life suddenly overwhelmed me with unplanned events, the message seemed so clear. Embrace mystery.

So I did.

And then the most unexpected, wonderful things started happening.

My best friend from high school called me out of the blue and we made a date to hang out. A former co-worker came to me with a business idea that we are now working on. I applied for a freelance writing gig that I thought was a long shot and they wrote back.

I could have never planned any of these events. They all came from a mysterious place of letting go and just letting myself be.

Mystery is an active practice for me. I continue to play with the unknown. How can I open up to mystery each day? How can I let go of my plan a little and find some time for something unexpected?

I’ve already got organized down. Why not try something new?

Suzanne Boothby is a Brooklyn-based wellness author and writing coach who dabbles in social media and marketing. When she is not immersed in the world of communication, she loves traveling, gardening, yoga, dance and eating burritos. Visit her website www.suzanneboothby.com for a schedule of upcoming classes.

Are YOU a Sex Addict?

2011-02-22T13:25:00.000-05:00

David Duchovny is one of my besties (translation: best friends in Teen Pop Culture Language). Unfortunately, he does not yet understand the depth of our connection, but I trust that he soon will. And if all goes as planned, he will also be a client of Sexy Soul Wellness.:)

If the gossip magazines are true (Yes, I read them…I lovingly call them my “crack”), then David has dealt with a raging sex addiction in the past. He has even entered rehab for this vice.

When I first saw him at my gym, I thought to myself, “Poor guy, I mean EVERYONE knows his deepest darkest secret and shadow side. How crazy would that be! He must feel awful.” Yet, he doesn’t look burdened to me. On the contrary, David gives off a peaceful, centered, and warm energy.

What if one of his darkest secrets becoming so public, has actually been a HEALING experience for him?

We all carry secrets. Some reside in our awareness and others in the deep recesses of our sub-consciousness. It is important to let these out! To express our darkness before it eats away at our insides with disease or comes out in ghastly public displays of cookiness (ie. Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan)

I am learning how to first acknowledge my dark “secrets” to myself and then to others when appropriate. I didn’t always know the ideal way to go about this.

My Senior year of college I had an intense crush on one of my best male friends. We’ll call him “Matt”. Matt was dating “Alicia”, one of the most popular girls at my college and somewhat of a rival/friend/acquaintance of mine.

I kept this crush to myself for awhile. Yet my guilt was starting to overtake me. Anytime Alicia and I spoke, my stomach hurt. Around Matt, I was nervous and jumpy. Finally, totally spontaneously, I cornered Alicia in the cafeteria and said, “I have a crush on Matt”.

Oops.

I can still hear her screaming like it was yesterday.

That secret was eating away at me and it was important I acknowledge it. However, I didn’t reflect with myself on what plan of action was truly for the highest good of all involved. I kept the secret hidden for so long, almost from myself even, that it just bubbled over in the lunchroom on that fateful day.

The drama that ensued is worth a whole other blog post.

Secrets still befuddle me a bit. Sometimes I envy David Duchovny and the way the whole world knows his dark side. That must feel REALLY freeing. Maybe we should all wear t-shirts with our deepest darkest secrets on the front of them in NEON YELLOW.

Mine might read:

“Sometimes I don’t wash my hair for days”

“When I was 10, I stole crackers from my teacher”

“When I cut my fingernails, I don’t always make sure the scraps land in the trash can”

“In high school I made out with my best friend’s brother when she was in Europe”

There are more of course, but this is a good start for my T-Shirt line.

I wonder how David will respond when he finds out he was the muse, the inspiration for my new clothing company, “Wear your Truth”.

I can’t wait for the day when I see him sweating away at the gym with his brand new T-shirt with the following words in bright yellow:

I AM A SEX ADDICT

The truth shall set us free, and also make a fabulous fashion statement.

For more guidance, inspiration, and FUN, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

Do YOU have Regrets?

2011-02-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

“I had to visit Florida to realize I was NOT a Florida person,” my beautiful Wellness Coaching client shared. “What I DID realize, was that California would be ideal for me.”

She and her boyfriend are now planning their exciting move from New York City to the Los Angeles area. They are thrilled and this decision feels so aligned with their authentic Selves.

Yet, she had to visit a place that did NOT align with her Truth, FIRST.

In my life, I have had plenty of “trips to Florida”. Here are just a few:

-I had to date the drug addicted, alcoholic, rebel guy in high school (okay a few of them), to recognize that they were not my ideal partners.

-I had to live out a Party Girl Lifestyle for a year or two (sorry parents) and have a couple alcohol induced traumas to realize that this extreme behavior did not align with my Truth.

-I had to live in the suburbs of Fairfield and Westchester Counties to understand that I LOVE and resonate the city lifestyle at this time in my life.

-I had to become an elementary school teacher and be completely overwhelmed and stressed to take the action steps towards the career of my dreams. (YAY for Sexy Soul Wellness and performing)

We all have “trips to Florida” in our lives and thank goodness that we do. So often, it is when we head in a direction that is not aligned with our Truth, that we can recognize this discrepancy and change course.

I do not see these trips as wasted time or reasons to have regrets.

Please comment on the following question:

What are YOUR “trips to Florida” and how have the pointed you in the direction of your authentic dreams and desires?

For more guidance, inspiration, and FUN, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

IS YOUR LOVE LIFE MAKING YOU FAT?

2011-02-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

“My husband is making me fat,” the woman sitting next to me on the plane last night whispered. (Her husband was right next to her semi-sleeping.) “From the moment we got together, he always told me how fat I was, and back then I was a 4!"

She continued, “I was so fed up with him telling me I was fat, I just gained weight, like I knew I couldn’t win so I just let myself go.”

Deep conversation for the plane right? Funny enough, the conversation started because she had been looking over my shoulder, reading my essay for the We Love Our Bodies Project. (http://sexysoulwellness.com/we-love-our-bodies/) I was writing a story about a woman, Sherry* who had always been okay with her body until a boyfriend told her she was fat.

“He would grab the fat on my stomach and shake it. Tell me it was grosse.” Sherry went on to share that her boyfriend would insist that she go on diets. “Instead of releasing weight in that relationship, I gained more.”

Furthermore, like my new friend on the plane, Sherry began to disconnect from her body more and more. The men in both their lives critiqued and judged their bodies so much that both these amazing women started to do the same.

Not all of us have partners who are critical of our bodies, but I believe most of us, women and men alike, have that Inner Critic voice within us that does the same job. I know I do!

Just a couple weeks ago I recall getting ready to leave the apartment and this is what I was hearing:

“Your hair looks like shit. I can see your gray. Those jeans don’t fit you right. Come on, you couldn’t take the time to paint your toe nails? Grosse! Why do you look so tired?”

This voice used to run my life. My Inner Critic/Perfectionist popped up whenever I was starting to feel better about my body and my Self, usually sending me down a spiral of despair and encouraging me to hide out and play VERY small in my life.

She used to be super loud, but with time and experience, I have learned how to turn down the volume. I have practiced forgiving myself for those lies that used to run through my brain on a regular basis. I have explored letting go of negative thought patterns and replacing them with self-honoring new ones like:

“I am beautiful just the way I am.”

“I love my body and myself right now and I’m so grateful for me!

Sometimes I have to fake it until I make it, but the words sink in and the Inner Critic gets softer and softer.
With tears in her eyes, the lady on the plane asks, “What do I do? How do I get better? I mean I can’t leave him.” (She shared they had 5 kids together)

I laughed as I pictured her holding a remote control, and putting her husband on mute. If only that was a possibility.:)

The truth is, she could leave her man, but even without him in her life, like ALL of us, she would most likely still hear the Inner Critic. We all do.

Yet, regarding the Inner Critic Within, we DO have a remote control inside of us and we can choose, with and Joy and Courage…

to turn down the volume, until the voice of Love is all we hear.

For support on loving YOUR body and releasing weight, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

BLOG CONTEST!!! Guess my Celebrity Work Out Buddy!!

2011-01-28T11:07:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the possible grammar mistakes, but I have to write this very quickly and then run out the door to Equinox and meet my AMAZING CELEBRITY Work Out Buddy.

He usually gets there around now, give or take a few minutes. I can’t be late!! He is definitely counting on me to motivate him for a successful work out. Aren't Work Out Buddies so helpful in getting us out the door and to the gym!

Who is this person, you might ask? Keep reading…

Okay, so maybe he has his OWN personal trainer who inspires and guides him. That’s true. Yet, I still feel my presence is monumentally important to him. And yes, maybe we have spoken ONE time in over a year.
BUT…it was an amazing conversation (and slightly embarrassing). I play it in my head almost every day.

Him: Are you reading that book?

Me: Yes…THANK YOU (What? Thank you for WHAT, genius? Smooth move... Cora)

Him: That is the best acting book out there. The author is amazing.

Me: Yes….THANK YOU (You’re kidding me, right? AGAIN?)

Him: If you can take an acting class with him, I highly recommend it.

Me: Yes…THANK YOU (3 times in 20 seconds…I said the same exact thing.)

Bet you want to know who he is, right? Heeeee heee heee…

Here’s another clue. I see him on television or in US Weekly and I yell to Ben across the apartment, “My Work Out Buddy is on the TV!!!” His current television show is rather…hmm…let’s just say he HAS to work out, because he is naked quite often.

My husband isn’t completely thrilled about my Work Out Buddy. Ben keeps saying, “At least I’m taller than him.”

Three more clues about my Best Friend:

Grew up in New York City
Has a BA from Princeton, a MA from Yale and an uncompleted Doctoral Thesis called Magic and Technology in Contemporary Poetry and Prose
Starred in a Science Fiction TV Show way back when.

Bet you want to know my BFF of Workout Buddies???

BLOG CONTEST TIME!!! Post your guesses and the first 3 folks who post will receive an autograph from my Buddy. (Stipulation: When we talk again, that is, and IF I can cough out more words than Yes…THANK YOU)

Good luck to all!!!

and if you are wondering...no, I am NOT a stalker. Heee hee hee....

For more laughter, inspiration, and FUN, email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com to set up a F.R.E.E. 3o minute Inuitive Wellness Session with Tarot. (All sessions are over the phone!) www.sexysoulwellenss.com

When it's MORE than Love!

2011-01-13T21:03:00.000-05:00

"Friends are the family we pick for ourselves."-Edna Buchanan

I love Soul Friends. I am so blessed to have incredible, deep, loving friendships and I AM SO GRATEFUL.

My very wise and successful grandmother, and also best friend, Tutu, told me a few months before her passing that she would love to have the following on her gravestone: "She was an amazing friend to many." Tutu shared with me if that was the only legacy she left in this world, than that would be MORE than enough.

I believe she may have passed on her passion for friendship to her little ol grandaughter. For grad school, I am keeping track of my daily Upliftments and they ALWAYS include connections with friends, either in person or over the phone.

Recently, I was on a phone call with my beautiful, inspiring, and loving friend Lisa. We had an amazing conversation with such Divine flow. As we wrapped up the fabulous call, she said, "Cora Poage, I...you know, I would say Love, but I wish there was another word, you know that meant something deeper or more profound. "

I laughed because I felt so similarly! I remember that the Eskimos have OVER ONE HUNDRED words for Love. I find it silly that I use the same word for:

"I LOVE coffee and dark chocolate."

"I LOVE reading US WEEKLY."

"I LOVE you Ben"

"I LOVE God."

"You know Cora," she continued. "It's like Love PLUS." She laughed.

I really let that sink in Love PLUS. I like it. I really claim that. It fits! Love PLUS.

As we hung up the phone, she said,"Bye Cora! I Love PLUS you!"

"I Love PLUS you Lisa!" I shared.

I smiled. Love PLUS. What a beautiful concept. What a way to send that "More than Love" message. Love PLUS.

Tutu would approve.

Thank you Tutu, for passing on the beautiful gift and opportunity of friendship and connection. I miss you. Oh, and how could I forget...

I Love PLUS you!

Is a Dating Fast for You?

2010-12-29T23:28:00.000-05:00

I've heard of a juice fast and a liquid fast...but a Fast from DATING?? At dinner recently my good friend, the beautiful and wise Claudine Johnson told me that she had chosen to embark on a Dating Fast after a particularly difficult break-up. "It was time for me to come back to God and me," she said.

Inspired and curious, I asked if I could interview her for SEXY SOUL WELLNESS. Here are her answers:

What is a Dating Fast?

A dating fast is a period of time when one will refrain from accepting another date until they can sort out any unresolved past issues. It's a time where one will try to focus more on God and continue to build a relationship with him.

Why did you decide to commit to a dating fast?

Last year around October I just got out of yet another relationship. I was so confused as I felt that the relationship was going well. However, the other party thought otherwise. This was the story of my life. I would meet a "great guy" and I thought that things were going well. Then just a few months later I would find out that he was no longer interested and the relationship would end leaving me devastated. I always felt that something was wrong with me and that I would never have the meaningful relationship that I wanted. What I also realized that is often times before I got into a relationship I would be very devoted to God. I would pray all the time, read my bible and be a good steward to his word. However, as soon as I got into relationship, I would begin to idolize the person I was with. Call them all the time, think of them all the time, everything was about them. They were my ticket to everlasting happiness. I would put God on the back burner but when things didn't go well in the relationship I would run back to God asking for forgiveness and acceptance. It was a vicious cycle that I really wanted to get off of. At the time I had a prayer partner at church. I explain to her my vicious cycle and she recommended me a book: "Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right" by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. In the book it explains what a dating fast is and when to start it.

What have been the challenges, if any, of this endeavor?

I think the hardest part has been dealing with the moments of loneliness that seep into my mind. A good amount of my friends are in serious relationships. So when we talk about them I begin to feel lonely and question once again what is wrong with me. Also one of my exes lives in the city and has been in contact with me. I have been strong in not making my loneliness force me to get involve with him once again just to fill that void. I also have had people laugh at me when they hear that I am on a dating fast. However, these concerns were present more in the beginning I would say and I have been keeping myself pretty busy so that I don't focus on the fact that I am on a dating fast.

What have you learned so far from this commitment?

Doing this dating fast has allowed me to realize that I can only find true joy and happiness through a relationship with God and if I try to find these things with a man that I was always going to be disappointment. It taught me that instead of being sad about being single that I should more celebrate it. Go out and do all the things that I always wanted to do and take my single time as a time to find who I really am. It most importantly taught me to love myself first and that if I didn't, then there is no way I would be able to allow someone to love me. Yes marriage is great and it’s a beautiful covenant between two people. However I also realize that if I wasn't destined to get married that things would be fine. It would be hard but it doesn't mean that I don't have a purpose on this earth or that something is wrong with me. I think this decision to go on a dating fast came at a good time. I found myself moving to a new city, starting a new job and I felt it was like God was telling me "Go out Claudine, start fresh, be courageous!" I realize that I have really had the time to focus on God's love for me. My self-esteem had gotten way better. I don't worry too much about little things like I had before; things just seems to look brighter and brighter ever day, even if it may be gloomy outside. This time has also been teaching me a lot about faith. Life became more about not dating and more about finding me.

When does it end?

I started the fast on January 1st and have committed myself to doing it for a year. I am thinking of actually extending it to a little bit longer but I am going to wait and see.

Would you recommend a dating fast to others? Why?

I would recommend a dating fast to anyone who feels like they have been on a vicious cycle in their life that is only leading to a downward spiral. Are they tired of feeling like they aren't enjoying life as much as you should? Do they feel that they don't have a life of your own? Do they feel that if they are in a relationship then they will finally be complete as a person? Do they fantasize about getting married when they are simply speaking to someone of interest? Then I would recommend a dating fast to that person. I made a decision to take control of not just my life but my mind, my emotions, my body, my soul. The only person at this point I would turn all of those things over to is God. We are each human and are not perfect at all. We will make each other happy but we will also hurt each other as time goes on. I want to be grounded in myself and who I am before I open the door to my heart again. I don’t want to allow just about anyone to come in and take over. I want to love myself, love who I am and the direction I am going in my life. I feel that when I finally get to the point where I am truly comfortable with who I am, then that special someone will see me and will choose me to be his. Until then I plan to live life not feeling sorry for myself that I am single but rejoice that I am.
Do you have an inspiring story about Loving your Body, Owning your Power, or Living your Dreams? Then email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com. I would LOVE to publish YOUR story!

Lessons from the Peanut Gallery

2010-12-20T20:24:00.000-05:00

Ben took me to the Nutcracker last weekend at the Lincoln Center her in New York City, a stunning venue. The website said, "There is no dresscode, but we invite you to make it an occasion."

And boy oh boy, do New Yorkers know how do "make it an occasion". The glamour and glitz was everywhere and I strained my neck looking for Brangelina and the brood. (Didn't see them but found out later that Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Surie were there the night before...squeal!)

I was in awe of the incredible architecture, the fabulous fashion, and the holiday spirit that was so evident. The last time I attended the Nutcracker was in Wichita, KS. An incredible production, but such a different audience and venue.

I was full of gratitude and joy. Then, however, I started to hear the lovely Inner Critic:

"You wore that? Cora, really? The hand me down skirt and shirt? And you couldn't even wash your hair for the occasion? I mean come on! You don't belong here. Only rich, sophisticated, and fashionable people are welcome here."

I heard the Inner Critic and I took a deep breath, forgave myself for the judgments, smoothed out my outfit, circa 2002:), and walked with Ben to our seats. We walked passed Level One, then Two, the Three, Four, and finally we came to the last balcony level, the home of our seats.

I knew that we had obtained discount tickets from an old co-worker of Ben's, but I was very surprised about exactly how far from the stage we ended up sitting. I started to feel a bit heavy with the clouds of Ill Negativo...(lol...instead of Ill Nino:)

I felt insignifcant way up there and how would I ever hob nob with celebrities if we kept sitting in the nose bleeds, and would we be able to see the emotion on the faces of the dancers (my favorite part), and what message are we sending to the Universe by getting discount tickets, and my eyes hurt...blah, blah, blah...

Well, I was feeling pretty self righteous and indignant and I was just about to share my lovely feelings with my unsuspecting husband when a beautiful mom and her three elementary age girls sat down next to us.

The little girls were totally bubbling with excitement leaning over the balcony, in awe of their experience. Just then, one of them squealed.

"These are the BEST SEATS ever. We can see everything!!! We are SO LUCKY!!"

I laughed at myself and my silly adult mindgames. I felt tears in my eyes because I was so touched by gratitude for this young sage who taught me so much that night. I yearned to embrace this young lady with so much wisdom and grace and thank her for waking me up.

Opening my eyes to the magic, the miracles, the blesssings, and the gifts that are part of this season and EVERY season...

If only we choose to SEE.

Coach Cora is an Intuitive Wellness Coach specializing in helping her clients love their bodies, own their power, and live their dreams. She offers life changing one-one-one tele-coaching. Please contact her at cora@sexysoulwellness.com for more information or to schedule a complimentary chat.

The Dark Night(s) of My Soul

2010-11-19T15:32:00.000-05:00

Had you ventured into my apartment last night at around 8pm, walked through the kitchen, and into the hallway, you might have found me curled in a ball, writhing on the floor, crying my eyes out.

Not the most heart warming of sights to be sure, but a victory for me nonetheless.

Through much of this lifetime, up until recently, I have been uncomfortable with the Dark within; sad feelings, anger, etc. It was TOTALLY okay for other people (friends, family, clients) to feel and express those emotions, but not me.
Then, two days ago, something arose inside of me.

I was triggered by some old body/Self loathing feelings, and I allowed them to take me over. There were points in these past couple days where I felt like a demon had my throat and was squeezing as hard as possible. I literally felt like a war between good and evil was going on inside my body.

My Energy Healer told me this was the death of a False Self. That really resonated. This voice that told me I wasn't good enough to run a business, to be successful at grad school, to have friends or a loving family...this voice that told me I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, slim enough, to be worthy of living. was not giving up easily. This False Self was trying to take over.

Yet she didn't win.

Here is my Victory:

I did not fight the Dark from rising. I let it come up and OUT. In the past, I would have pushed it down, pretended to be fine, numbed myself with distractions.

This time I danced with the Dark.

This time I was wracked with emotions like fear, self-loathing, anger, blame, and unworthiness. They vibrated through my body.

This time I called my Support Network; friends, family, BEN, my Energy Healer, my Intuitive Eating Coach. I shared with them how I was TRULY feeling, not what sounded good. I let them see me, hear me, in my Dark.

This time I did not run.

Had you ventured into my apartment at 10am THIS morning, walked through the kitchen and into the hallway, you would have seen me at the dining room table, writing, laughing, crying a little, but with gratitude.

The Dark Night(s) of My Soul have passed. I am here, stronger of heart, standing in my authentic Truth of wholeness, having truly tasted the Dark, I am still here.

Standing in the light of this New Day. This New Beginning.

Standing in reverence to a death of a False Self...and a Re-Birth.

Standing in the truth that this too shall pass, did pass, and all that I encounter and experience serves my expansion, my learning, my growth.

Standing lovingly in the Light and the Dark that is Me.

Life is a PARTY

2010-10-29T10:03:00.001-04:00

I love Halloween.

I love dressing up, scaring myself and others, and dancing until dawn with my friends and family, and hey, why not strangers?

Yet for years, I have not celebrated Halloween. No parties, no costumes, nothing. My RSVP to all of Halloweend was always NO. Why? Was it a religious decision? Not enough money? No creativity for the costume?

Nope. My reasoning was much more simple.

And here it is: Unbelievably high expectations. And the fear that I could not meet them. I would disappoint myself and others.

For example, if I was going to wear a costume, it was going to be the best friggin' costume in the room. If I was going to throw a bash, it HAD to be the party of the century. My standards for myself regarding Halloween and the traditions around it were holding me back from enjoying it or even participating. (Don't even get me started on New Year's Eve)

Unfortunately, I sometimes live my life this way. I dream really big. Then, if those dreams seem too overwhelming or too INCREDIBLE, I decide to play it safe. I don't even start taking small steps towards my goals. They are TOO scary. What if I actually find success? What will that look like? Will I be all alone? What if I get rejected? That would be awful! I wouldn't know how to keep living.

Like Halloween. In the past, I've stayed home in my pajamas because of my big dreams for the night. I'd rather do that than disappoint myself or others. My RSVP is NO.

Up Until Now.

This Halloween, Ben and I are throwing a huge PARTY! And if you are in the NYC area, please come!

This Halloween, I've picked out a FABULOUS costume, thanks to my dear intuitive friend Nick. (love ya!) And I am ready to get my SEXY on! Will the party be a success? I don't know! I DO know that I will have a blast, flowing with the energy of gratitude for all my amazing friends and the love and joy I have for get togethers. Will my costume be the best? WHO CARES? I'm just excited for my blond wig and red lipstick!

This Halloween has already taught me so much about life. Will I stay home? Feeling safe and small, but a little restless, knowing there is something more out there for me? Or will I join this amazing party that is LIFE? Dressed to the nines and ready for the magic, miracles, and okay maybe the challenges that might occur?

Absolutely! My RSVP is YES!

In Honor of Casey the Wonderdog

2010-10-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

When we love a pet, we experience God.

My beautiful sister Sarah is taking her golden retriever Casey to the vet today. The reason for the visit is truly somber. Casey has been fighting cancer for many months and today is the day he will cross over the Rainbow Bridge.

There are tears in my eyes as I write this, as I recall all the amazing pictures of beautiful Casey and the love and light that always emanates from his eyes. Sarah and Casey are family to each other, so Casey is family to me. And always will be.

Dogs have so much to teach us. Their raw vulnerability, enthusiasm for life, and unconditional loving are deeply angelic qualities. Dogs have not forgotten where they come from or who they truly are. They are SUCH souls having an animal experience.

Sarah, I love you. You are such a loving mom to Casey and so brave for making such a difficult decision full fo so much support and care.

Casey, thank you for gracing our lives with your unbelievable spirit. Your legacy will live on in our family and beyond. May we continue to learn and grow from from your presence with each day.

When Ben and I had to put Babicat to sleep, Sarah was the first person to write us sending so much love, and emailing us the following poem:

Just this side of heaven, is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Casey, soon "absent from our lives, but never from our hearts". We lift your life to the sky today, and we are forever grateful for your time on this Earth. We love you.

When we love a pet, we experience God.

Is it too Late for your Dreams?

2010-10-11T20:30:00.000-04:00

Is it too late for me?

I went to my first Acting Workshop this weekend and it knocked my socks off. I was Home. I was with my tribe. I was moved to tears by how passionately I yearned to discover all the nuances and strategies around acting. I described myself to the class as the Prodigal Daughter of Performing, trying to get back into the family, to come home.

My Inner Critic was there too.

You’re 29. How can you get started now? You missed the boat girlfriend. Too late for you. Haven’t you seen all your gray hair lately? You are past your prime. Who would want to work with you?

Okay Inner Critc, I hear you. I am no Selena Gomez to be sure, but I have my own song to sing…there will be parts for me, opportunities, and times to shine in my own way. I believe it. I know it.

Is it too late for me?

I’ve been a singer since I could talk, a dancer since I could walk. Even when I wasn’t officially “pursuing” performing, I was public speaking for my business, singing in choirs, and definitely creating comedy sketches with friends, family, and even strangers (sometimes without their permission)

Is it too late for me?

It is never too late to remember the song in my heart, the music that only I have been entrusted to share with the world. As a kid I knew my Calling, yet through adulthood, began to forget.

Up until Now.

Is it too late for me?

It is NEVER too late for any of us share our authentic truth, the music only we can hear.

It is never too late for any of us to come Home.

To hear more about Sexy Soul Wellness and Coach Cora, please visit www.sexysoulwellness.com

My Friend Intuition

2010-09-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

Who did I betray? How could I??? Read all about it my latest blog!! LOVE YOU ALL!

My Sexy Soul has moved!

Click here: www.sexysoulwellness.com/blog

Thanks so much for your support!

People Pleasers Anonymous

2010-09-19T19:35:00.001-04:00

My name is Cora and I am a People Pleaserholic.

I'd LOVE to say "Up Until Now" or "In the Past" ...I have been a People Pleaser.

Unfortunately today, my disease struck again.

I told my amazing friend Elizabeth that I would meet her at church. 1:45...I will be there. No problem.

At 1pm, I sent the infamous text that did not go through, "I am not sure if I can make it to church today. My body is telling me to slow down and not try to rush to be anywhere." For some reason the AT&T wizard was mad at me, because he stole the text and ate it up for lunch.

Then at 2:10, (okay already really late), I sent another one. "I'm not coming. I can't wait to hear all about it. Enjoy!"

Suddenly, I looked at my phone and realized that the first text had disappeared into the nothingness. And my addiction began to take over. I pictured beautiful Elizabeth, all alone and standing outside the church staring longingly into the stream of people walking down 86th St. She would smile, thinking she caught a glimpse of me, and then her heart would fall as she realized it was just another 20-something brunette juggling 3 or 4 ridiculously large mismatching bags. (as per my usual...gym bag, grocery bag, purse...at least I don't have one of those little new york doggies because that would warrant yet ANOTHER bag)

"Oh Cora," My Authentic Self said to my small self. "Don't be silly. Elizabeth is FINE. She is loving church and having a great time. Trust me, her happiness is not dependent on you."

Okay. I felt better. Then I went home and proceeded to punish myself. The punishment of choice? I ate Ben's left over sub sandwich. This thing had ingredients that my body hasn't tasted in years. Of course, my energy plummeted. I could have fallen asleep on my dining room floor.

Noticeably down and out, I tried to go for a walk to regain my spirits. Yet, all I kept thinking was that Elizabeth was mad at me and so was God. I mean I skipped church for the sauna at my gym for Christs...um, I mean for Gosh Sakes.

My goal was to forgive myself and move on BEFORE I was forgiven by Elizabeth or God, yet I was checking my phone every other minute for a text or a call. Definitely OCD. (Dead giveaway of a People Pleasing Addict)

I walked by a Methodist Church with a 6pm service. Maybe I could find a blond uncannily resembling Elizabeth, bring her here, and pretend the "whole missing church thing" never happened.

Finally, I came home and emailed her. I had texted, called, and now email was my last resort. Did she hate me? Was I ex-communicated from the church? I was devastated.

10 minutes later, I recieved these words from her:

Hi my love!

No worries at all about today! Four of my friends came, I couldn't believe it. I felt like it was my birthday. Of course, I missed you and was sad for you to not meet them but I know it will all happen in time.

I've been with them since the service, so that's why I've been detached from my phone.

I love you!

E

Oh.

So I felt pretty silly.

And a little relieved. Okay A LOT relieved.

Another brilliant opportunity for me to forgive myself for judging my people pleasing tendencies. Elizabeth and I were fine. I mean she had FOUR friends with her and felt like it was her BIRTHDAY, people!

I feel better.

Still waiting for that email, text, or call from God though.

Love Yourself First

2010-08-30T16:23:00.000-04:00

I AM PUBLISHED! Click here to read my blog post on my diet and exercise addictions:

http://crazysexylife.com/2010/real-love-yourself-first/

ENJOY!! Love you all!

Cora, Sexy Soul Wellness

Lemonade Party Time

2010-08-17T23:04:00.001-04:00

When life hands you lemons, throw a Lemonade Party.

I was cast in a play in June, one of my largest dreams come true and I was THRILLED. This was my first audition in New York City and my first chance at taking the stage in Manhattan.

This little country girl had come a long way from from my riveting role of Dolly in Hello Dolly in Hays, Kansas and I was so ready to step into the spotlight and live my dreams.

On August 7th, three days before Opening Night, the male lead dropped out. The next day, the play was canceled.

I was disappointed to be sure. I still am. I shed some tears. Then I picked up my phone to call my parents and tell them they didn't need to fly to NYC anymore. The play was canceled.

"We still want to come see you," they said. What? Still coming?

I called my beautiful in-laws, Sue and Dave. "We'll still drive down from Buffalo to spend with you and Ben."

"Really?" I thought to myself. "My family still loves me and wants to come see me, even without my NYC debut? You mean, I might just be loved for who I AM, not for my accolades or accomplishments? My family and friends still love me even though my play was canceled?...AMAZING!"

As I emailed the close to 50 incredible people who bought tickets to my play, I realized that I was SO blessed just to have friends who would be willing to come down to NYC, pay money, and watch a small cast in a small production, in an even smaller theater.

In fact, my disappointment and sadness soon transformed to utter and complete gratitude for friends, family, love, and LIFE. It was then that I realized...WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS...HAVE A LEMONADE PARTY!

On what would have been Opening Night, my friends and family converged on my apartment, from as far away as Wichita. The clothing theme was...Yellow! The drink of choice, well, of course...Lemonade. The mood of the party...joyful celebration of ALL of life. Not just the perceived "wins" or "gains" but ALL of life.

I am more than one play. I am more than a performer. I am more than my accomplishments or losses. I am Me. I am ALL of Me.

And I throw one hell of a Lemonade Party.

In Memory of Jessica

2010-08-15T00:46:00.002-04:00

My friend Jessica did not make it to my birthday brunch today. So I sent her a text to see if she was okay. In return, I received the following words:

"I'm not sure who this is. Jessica passed away last Sunday."

I read it again and again, almost praying that the words would shift and tell a different story about this beautiful 26 year old woman, but they did not.

With tears in my eyes, I wrote back.

"Oh my goodness... I'm so sorry. My name is Cora and I met her on the plane last March and we really connected. My husband and I send our condolences to your family."

Then the text back.

"She told me about you and was really excited to have met you. Feel free to call me--her sister, later in the week for more details."

I only met Jessica once more after the amazing plane connection. We went to lunch in Soho. I didn't know her well, yet we truly Knew one another. On the plane and at lunch we spoke about life, truly LIVING, not just surviving. She told me about her dreams and passions and I gave her the book, The Power of Now. In this world, her spirit was soaring.

During a moment of silence tonight, I pictured Jessica and these words came to me...

"Life is a fleeting moment, a brief exhale, a cherished embrace with humanity....dive in, breathe it in fully, because our time to go Home is closer than we might think."

I heard these words, pictured Jessica, and her spirit was soaring.

The Kiss Hello??

2010-08-02T21:54:00.001-04:00

Listen here folks, I'm from Kansas. We hug. It's as simple as that. We see a friend we know, a teacher from years past, heck, the postman, and we share a quick embrace. There's nothing sexual, odd, or even that personal about it. In Kansas, a hug is the way to say hello.

So what the heck is this kissing on the cheek business that defines the social etiquette of New York City? I am so confused. Do I kiss you on one cheek or both? Are there certain people I kiss on the cheek and others I don't? I assume I don't kiss the postman. And do I go for the right side or the left, because BELIEVE ME, if I choose the wrong side, I may just lay a wet one on your lips.

And then there's the whole business of what to do with the rest of my body. It seems to me like we try very hard not to let any other part of our bodies touch except a quick cheek to cheek. Really there is no lip to cheek contact at all. It's like these fake kisses we blow to the wind. For this Kansas girl, it seems rather strange and a bit sad.

I remember meeting some of Ben's co-workers for the first time (male) and having them kiss me on the cheek. I looked at Ben like, "Babe, you do realize you work with a bunch of pervs!" Or the time my new boss in Connecticut (male) greeted me at a School Cocktail Hour with this whole cheek kissing business. I almost filed for Employer Sexual Harassment, and he was just practicing proper Greenwich etiquette.

Today, I met my Scene Study partner in the park. I've met him once before. He is a nice guy, but I don't know him well. When we left starbucks after our first meeting, he gave me a hug. So I assumed that was our hello and goodbye language.

He assumed otherwise. (These crazy New Yorkers) I went in for the hug and he kissed me on the cheek. So we were caught in one of those terribly awkward kiss and hugs that feels a bit too intimate for two almost-strangers.

The awkwardness was palpable and I proceeded to blabber on about nothing of particular relevance to anything. Sigh.

When we parted ways, our language was synchronized. A quick kiss on the cheeks and brief hug. A New York City Cowgirl Kansan Combo. And it worked out just great.

Yet, I can't help but remember the good 'ol days back in Kansas. When it was simple. Life was simple, folks were simple, and when I saw a good friend, we would melt into a hello hug. None of this kissing business. That was saved for Friday nights at the Swinging Bridge Park and awkward dates at the Drive-In. (Okay, there was no Drive In, but it seemed to fit so well into my Kansas small town setting)

Do I need to move on? Accept that I am now a New Yorker? Kiss my friends on the cheek? I will try, I will give it a go...but if the cowgirl in me comes out every now and again and wraps you in one big Midwestern embrace, maybe just maybe, you can find your inner Kansan and embrace the simple life with me.

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Co-Manifesting a Juicer

2010-07-20T12:44:00.002-04:00

I love the power of co-manifestation and the law of attraction. To those who are wondering, co-manifestation means that I set my intention into the Universe, and then surrender it to the will of the Divine for the highest good of all concerned. I trust that however my intention manifests in my life, if at all, it is exactly what is meant to be. I adore experiencing the magic and miracles.

My amazing Intuitive Eating/Business Coach, Dr. Dorie, www.drdorie.com, set the intention to manifest beautiful shoes for herself. A few days later she was taking out her trash, and there was a shoe box sitting on top of her neighbor's garbage. Inside the box, were amazing shoes that fit her perfectly. A co-manifesting Cinderella Story! Hey, if the shoe fits...WEAR IT!:)

Here is my own testament to the power of co-manifestation. I buy a Green Lemonade from the health food store on my block EVERY DAY. This has been going on for about a year now. (It was my lingering Starbucks habit transformed into a "healthier" addiction.) Sometimes, I buy two of them. To be totally candid about this habit, a large Green Lemonade (kale, lemon, celery, apple, ginger) is about 9 dollars. You do the Math. (actually, I already did it: one Green Lemonade a day = 3, 249 dollars)

Ben and I realized that it was only logical to buy our own juicer, right? I mean, we would start saving mega bucks almost immediately if we invested in this contraption. So, I started setting the intention to manifest a juicer. I looked on-line, Consumer Reports, Cragislist, etc. They all seemed a bit pricey to me. So that is when I changed my intention:

"I am co-manifesting a free juicer, if it be for the highest good of all concerned."

Soon after my shift of intention, I invited two of my amazing friends, Susan and Sandra, over for snacks and socializing. Susan was carrying a large brown box. What was it? A juicer! I kid you not. She brought the juicer for my other friend Sandra.

"That is is crazy!" I said. "I am co-manifesting a juicer too! I am sure this is a sign that it's on it's way!"

One week later: I receive an Facebook message from Sandra: "I've used this juicer once and I really don't think I'm going to make a habit of it. Would you like it? I'd be happy to drop it off this week."

Co-manifesting a free juicer...CHECK!

Co-manifesting amazing friends who are willing to be uber generous...CHECK!

Co-manifesting a life lived in total gratitude and awe...CHECK!

Hey, if the juicer fits...

You Changed My Life

2010-07-10T16:16:00.001-04:00

CHALLENGE: Pick ONE PERSON who has changed my life. Hmmm...This amazing opportunity was given to me by Pattie McBride and her incredible company, Butterfly Nautilus. The mission is truly amazing. The company makes beautiful charms that read, "You changed a life". A customer sends the charm to someone who changed their life, and also posts the story on the Butterfly Nautilus Website!!

For me, the challenge was picking one person. SOOOO many people in my life are angels to me who have radically changed my life for the better. Soon however, a name came to me, of person who has positively changed my life multiple times. She is the fabulous Coriann Bright, my very dear friend, and owner of Bright Living: Home Organization and Design. www.brightlivingnow.com

Rewind to my freshman year in college, the year I met Miss Bright. My first year dorm roomie (we will call her Abby) was a force to be reckoned with, and I tried very hard to see the goodness within her harsh exterior. However, this proved quite a challenge. Abby called me a bitch for seemingly no reason, punched a hole in our wall fracturing multiple bones in her hand, tried to sleep with my first college boyfriend, and was addicted to cocaine. Whew! Meanwhile, our room was an absolute pigsty because neither of us cared much about keeping it clean and our messed up relationship and negativity was dripping from the walls.

Yet, I continued to try to make this living arrangement work. I definitely chose the "martyr" mentality. I was known to exclaim, "Well if I don't live with Abby, who will?" I didn't want to foist her on anyone else. However, things became pretty personal when I got her a job at the same gift basket store where I was working. She slept with the boss's brother, and we were both immediately fired.

I continued to live with Abby, to the chagrin of my loved ones. It was a bit of a co-dependent relationship. Rather depressed myself, I tried to focus my attention on someone else's problems. I egotisically thought I could "save" her. It was a rather abusive situation.

Then came the mid year opportunity to change roommates. I decided not to apply for a new placement based on my misguided savior/martyr complex. Around that same time, on a normal afternoon at Whittier College, I walked into my dorm room, to find all of my items (clothes, bedding, phone, etc) GONE. Abby was sitting on the floor laughing maniacally. My assumption was that in a cocaine-induced frenzy, she had tossed all my belonging out the window, or sold them.

Abby looked at me with the hatred that I was oh so used to seeing. "It was your STUPID friends," she said. Just then I looked down the hall and there were Cori and Katie, two of my closest amigas.

"We moved you out Cora. Katie's old roomie just left and you can live with her," Cori said.

I think I cried. I know I'm crying right now. I later found out that they called residential life pretending to be me and made this whole scheme happen. It was an intervention!! An intervention that literally saved my life. Truly, I was reborn after I moved in with Katie. My depression lightened, my living environment was incredible, and I learned what it means to choose my own family. I also learned the importance of standing up for myself and being my own advocate, even when I am nervous about possibly hurting someone else's feelings.

Coriann and Katie are my angels. They picked me up off a ragged and dangerous path, dusted me off with hope, love, and some Clorox wipes, and put me back down in the dorm room of my dreams!:)

Yet, I tell you Coriann has changed my life a second time!! This time she swooped with her company Bright Living Now www.brightlivingnow.com and taught Ben and I incredible apartment design skills and organization strategies. Our last apartment was a bit of disaster. We hid it well, but it was still frightening. Our new apartment is our dream home thanks to Coriann. She also taught, while she transformed our apartment. We both learned so much about keeping our apartment simple, classy, and with little or no clutter. She taught us amazing strategies that we continue to use. It is true! When we de-cluttered our home, our lives elavated to a whole new level of quality.

Check out the before and after pix:

Bedroom: BEFORE

Bedroom: After

Kitchen: BEFORE

Kitchen: AFTER

Coriann, you have positively impacted my life over and over again. As a designer, an organizer, an advocate, a wise guide, and as a soul friend. Thank you for teaching me that I deserve the most incredible and loving living environment, that I can and should stand up for myself and my needs, and most importantly, that family is truly who we choose in our lives. Thank you for being my sister.

I Love My Body

2010-07-02T18:15:00.001-04:00

This image was HUGE and on the side of a building close to Time Square. It was a VERY large advertisement for Victoria's Secret and next to the picture, were the words: I LOVE MY BODY...

My business, Sexy Soul Wellness, promotes the message, Love Your Body, Own Your Power, Live Your Dreams. I noticed the words, I LOVE MY BODY first, and I started feeling really excited. I thought for a minute that Victoria's Secret was actually promoting loving our bodies, our REAL womanly bodies, not some photo shopped, FAKE idea of a woman's body. Well, I was very wrong.

The picture next to the words speaks for itself. Victoria's Secret is trying to appeal to a woman's sense of confidence and self-worth, and at the same time totally slamming any female (99.9% of us) who does not fit this supermodel image.

I could go on and on about how this new Victoria's Secret Ad Campaign makes my skin crawl, however I am reminded of Mother Teresa's quote:

"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."

The energy that is created when one or more people are gathered in the name of what we support instead of what we oppose, is so incredibly strong! So with Mother Teresa's blessing, I suggest we all have Pro-Body Rallies...let's all get out on the street and love our bodies! Let's start a revolution of women...and men who accept and feel gratitude, even admiration, for the skin we are in, whatever our size and shape.

Let's throw a Pro-Body PARTY for the fact that we are all uniquely beautiful beings, and shout it from the mountain tops that we will NOT, I repeat, will NOT let Victoria's Secret and most of the current fashion industry define the standard of beauty. Let's define our own standard...that standard, is me, it's you, it's every Human Being on this planet...no Photo Shop required.

The National Organization of Women's Annual Conference is this weekend in Boston. It's theme? "Loving Our Bodies. Changing the World."

I know the day is coming when THIS is the poster that I see on the side of a Times Square building. I feel it deep within my soul that my daughters and grandaughters will celebrate their unique amazing beauty, free of the unhealthy and unattainable current standard.

Who's with me? Pro-Body Rally and PARTY, here I come...Loving our Bodies, Changing the World.

The Love Will Remain

2010-06-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

Recently, a close friend of mine was visiting his ailing, 94 year old Grandpa. My friend was incredibly close to his grandfather, and he could sense that his time to pass was fast approaching. Curled up next to his grandfather one evening, his grandpa whispered these words in his ear, "When I am gone, the Love between us remains." With tears in his eyes, my friend held the Love to his heart.

My dear Tutu (Grandma in Hawaiian), passed away in April of 2003, a month before I graduated from Whittier College. We were best friends and this was a very challenging experience for me. I had been very excited to dedicate my graduation speech to her, however I was desperately hoping she would be there for the ceremony. Throughout the speech, I spoke of her Love for people and life, and the way she danced to the beat of her own drum.

After the speech my Mom approached me with a small box. "She bought this for you for your graduation present, " my Mom said gently. "I found it when I was going through her apartment."

Inside the box, was a beautiful, silver necklace containing four, small, silver rectangles. Each rectangle had a different word on the front, with the rest of the quote on the back. "Dance like no one is watching. Love like you'll never be hurt. Sing like no one can hear you. Live like heaven is on earth." I adored the quote and treasured the necklace deeply.

Two weeks later, I was traveling around Europe and left my backpack in a locked hostel room in Vienna. When I returned for my bag, I noticed someone had emptied all my jewelry out of my jewelry box. ALL my bracelets, earrings, and necklaces were gone.

I burst into tears. I didn't care about anything in that box, except for the necklace from Tutu. It felt like the one item I owned that held her spirit. I felt like it kept her in my life. On the train to Paris, I cried the entire way.

When we arrived in France, I checked into my hostel, and decided to look in my jewelry box one last time. I noticed a flash of silver.

"What?" I thought to myself. "There was NOTHING in the box in Vienna!"

I reached down and pulled out one silver rectangle, an "impossibility" because the charms were latched on to the rest of the necklace and could not slip or be pulled off.

However, there it was, the LOVE rectangle, in the box that had once been empty. I felt Tutu's presence, spirit, and light ALL around me. With tears in my eyes, I held the Love to my heart.

"Love like you'll never be hurt."

"When I am gone, the love remains."

To my Tutu, my dear friend's Grampy, to all who have passed...we feel you, we honor you, and we know the LOVE between us remains.

With tears in our eyes, we hold the LOVE to our hearts.

Coming Home to my Dream

2010-06-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

We all had one when we were little. You know, that feeling of aliveness buried in our hearts? That spark of something beautiful to come? Do you remember it?

I know I do! My dream. My dream of performing.

From the time I could speak, I sang. From the time I could walk, I danced. From the time I could persuade, I talked folks into watching me perform. Some of my childhood highlights included amazing Dolly Parton impersonations (balloons under my t-shirt), Karaoke versions of Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton (tears in everyone's eyes), and an enthusiastic portrayal of Dolly in Hello Dolly in high-school.

After high-school, I still performed, but it was with less gusto. I received a part in the One Acts in college where some guy had to shave my legs on stage, a kind of foreplay. Strange and a bit awkward. I sang in choir and even played the Queen in the Madrigal Feast. I soon dated the King. Score. Yet, I started to doubt my gifts and dream. Surrounded by people who were pursuing performing for "real", I felt like I couldn't keep up.

I compared myself to others. I didn't feel as pretty as Cori or as talented as JR. I started to hide my gifts. I became a Political Science major, took a job at the Boys and Girls Club, and became President of practically every organization at Whittier College to keep incredibly busy. I was running away from my true dream.

I thought my dream of performing had abandoned me, but really I CHOSE not to see it anymore.

The amazing thing is, our dreams don't leave us. If they are Divinely inspired, and for the highest good of all concerned, our dreams, like true soulmates, are waiting expectantly for us to come home to them. To embrace them, and fully surrender to our Divine birthrights as Dreamers AND Doers.

Two weeks ago, this little girl from Kansas attended my FIRST NYC theater audition! It was thrilling. The day of the audition, I was writing in my journal. I wrote:

"Oh my goodness. I'm really doing this. I am finally doing this..."

And the words voice to me:

"You were born to do this."

Duly noted.

“Great dreams contain inexhaustible truths, and orient us like runes, to our futures. One hesitates to explain them; one wants to dance them, act them out in living gestures. the more we put ourselves into a great dream, the more we get back. Great dreams are wells that never run dry.”-Michael Grosso

And my future now includes my first NYC theater PERFORMANCE, August 11-13, at the Manhattan Summer Repertory Theater Festival.

I was born to do this.

Embracing my true dream, I have come home.

Angels in the Super Shuttle

2010-06-08T14:30:00.002-04:00

Swing low, sweet chariot. Coming for to carry me home. A band of angels coming after me. Coming for to carry me home.

When I was three, my parents decided to get divorced. We were living in California at the time, and my dad moved to Council Grove, Kansas, to accept his first job as an ordained minister. This began the chapter in my life of Winter Breaks and Summers with my Dad in Kansas, and the rest of the time with my Mom in California.

Sometimes the transitions were very difficult and I would scream and cry in confusion and defiance towards all the changes and separations.   At times, I felt very lonely. Yet, I was never alone.

Angels.

One night when I was 4 or 5, I was laying in my bed in Kansas feeling a bit dark and sad. I felt a presence of light and love next to my bed and I heard the words, "Forgive them. It's not their fault. It's not your fault. It just is."

So I did. Thank you, angels.

Around age 7 or 8, I begged my dad to let me wake up for a meteor shower that was scheduled for 2:15 A.M. He said no, due to the timing of the event. I asked my angels to "Please, please, PLEASE wake me up in time to see the magic." I sat up in bed at 2:12.

Thank you angels.

I was never truly alone. I had my angels. They helped me through much of my childhood. I talked with them, laughed with them, shared secrets about my crush on Will, the seventh grader who could sing like an angel.

Then, around 4th grade, I stopped hearing them or seeing their light. Until last weekend, I didn't understand why they had abandoned me.

This weekend, at my Spiritual Psychology program, I uncovered a deep, dark memory of being about 8 years old and feeling like I had done something horribly wrong to another child. Instead of recognizing the experience as a learning moment, normal experimentation, and "not that big of a deal", I decided I was awful, a monster even.

At 8 years old I concluded that my humanness could not be trusted, that my touch was dangerous, and I was a bad person.   My whole life, I thought the angels left me because I was so awful.

I decided to embark on an incredibly deep experience of self-forgiveness. I shared my story with a safe, loving listener and I recognized all the judgments and limiting beliefs that surfaced from this short moment in time.

I went back to the 8 year old child and held her, telling her she did not do anything wrong or bad. She is a beautiful, loving, spirit. She is always safe, always loved, always protected. And I believed it. I re-framed the whole experience as part of my life's curriculum and an experience that was necessary for my healing, growth, and spiritual evolution.

Through this healing process, I have come to embrace mySelf, my inner 8 year old, and my Divinity, and most of all my GORGEOUS, PRECIOUS HUMANNESS in a whole new way. I truly feel reborn, baptized in the spirit, and washed clean. I trust my physical body and my healing touch again. I feel my inner and outer beauty like a graceful bird who is spreading her wings for the first time.

At one point during this process, I looked up at the sky and said, "God, do you forgive me?" I heard rolling laughter and the answer that came touched me to the core. "Of course, if that was really my job, I would forgive you. But, how can I forgive, when I do not judge? You need to forgive yourself. You are the one who chose the judgment."

So I did. And when I felt the forgiveness wash over me like a white light or crystal river, I saw my heart, large, shining and full of Love. Yet, there was a bit of dirt, darkening a part of my heart. Then, I heard a flutter, and a pair of wings flashed into my vision and washed off the dirt. My heart was clean.

Thank you Angels.

It was in that moment that I heard them, their music. In that moment, I felt their light and warmth. "We have never left you. Not for one moment. You chose not to see or hear us. We celebrate this homecoming with you, Beloved."

Swing low, sweet chariot. Coming for to carry me home. A band of angels coming after me. Coming for to carry me home.

This morning, at 5am, I stepped into my Chariot. The Super Shuttle taking me to LAX. As I opened the door to the van, I was greeted by an amazing love-filled face.

This beautiful woman and I struck up a conversation. We connected on a deep soul level.    What is your life's work?" I asked her.

"I practice the art of healing touch, Reiki." she responded. I felt my heart warm as I looked into her eyes.

"And I communicate with angels," she said.

She handed me her card.

It read: Leah Sherman, Healing Touch Practicioner, Certified Angel

A band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home.

Mask Smashing Party

2010-05-25T12:04:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I glanced down at an invitation sitting on a hallway table at the family's house where I tutor. The invite read:

Max is Turning 10!
Come to his Mask-Making Party!

I stopped dead in my tracks. Noooo!!! Masks? As we grow older, we form so many masks, covering up the Divine Being within us. And here is a party celebrating this great charade?

Just moments later, I heard the 6 year old telling his older sister, "When I'm in 5th grade, I get to make REAL masks in school! I can't wait! Isn't that cool?"

I watch his bright eyes glisten with excitement, and I want SO badly to protect him from the inevitable mask making that occurs in all of our lives. As a teacher, I witnessed this process so clearly in the elementary schools. Children are such glowing, authentic souls naturally. They remember who they really are. Then comes 4th or 5th grade. I watched as they started to "make masks" to conform to what they think their teachers, parents, society, and most of all PEERS want them to look like and be.

Here are some of the masks chosen by Yours Truly: The Funny One, The Party Animal, The Flirt, The Ditz, The Tortured Artist, The Philanthropist, The Prom Queen, The Over Achiever, The Holier than Thou, The Hippi, The Teacher, The Performer, The Good Daughter, Good Friend, Good Wife, Good Everything, The Pollyanna.

I could go on and on. The point is, at some time in my life, probably around 4th grade, I decided that me being ME, wasn't good enough. And I got down to the task mask making. Interestingly enough, all of these "masks" are part of this Character Cora, and they all serve me in different ways, in fact wearing them can be really fun!

The danger is when I mistake my TRUE identity for one of the masks, instead of seeing them for what they are: Costumes and I get to CHOOSE to wear when I want to play! They are not ME. Masks do not need to cover up my Soul, my Divine Being that shines from within ALL THE TIME when I don't cover it up!!

"Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within. I use the word love here not in the infantile sense of being made happy, but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth."-James Baldwin

So guess what everyone?? YOU ARE INVITED TO A PARTY!!!

We are beginning to remember who we are REALLY, underneath all the masks...so we are going to celebrate!

Come to the Mask Smashing Party!!

We will dance, sing, laugh, cry, hold each other, and smash are masks with the unbelievable power of LOVE.

Then we will joyfully look into each others eyes. I will SEE you. You will SEE me. We will be ONE.

Underneath all the masks, our true identity will be so clear...

We are LOVE.

What is the Point Ms. Poage?

2010-05-18T23:43:00.002-04:00

I just found this piece of writing from 1/12/2005. I wrote this while I was teaching First Grade at Waterside School. (http://www.watersideschool.org) I decided to re-print...

This year we were very excited to watch one of our first graders, Alyssa, move up to Second Grade after Christmas Break. She had been held back this year, but by mid-semester she was ready to join her previous class!

We made the announcement to the First Graders on the last day of school before Break. We explained that she would be right across the hall and the students would see her often. Most of our class were enthused for Alyssa, and some were a bit confused.

As we prepared the party and the cake, Nahmie, another student, grabbed me by the hand and said, "I need to talk to you Ms. Poage and I need to talk to you out HERE." She led me out of the classroom and into the hallway, where we sat down at two small chairs.

"Ms. Poage," Nahmie began. "Where is Alyssa going?"

I explained the situation again.

"Why?" she asked.

"At the beginning of the year, we decided that Alyssa had more to learn from First Grade, and we had more to learn from her, so she stayed with us. But now she is ready to join the Second Graders! Isn't that wonderful?"

Thinking Nahmie was confused about the situation, or maybe even envious that Alyssa was moving up I tried to explain the situation logically.

"Do you understand?" I looked into her eyes, which still looked weary. "You will have a chance for Second Grade also."

Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around me. Then, she looked straight in MY eyes. "That is not the point Ms. Poage. The point is that she is my best friend in the class and I am going to miss her."

That is not the point Ms. Poage. Those words live in my heart and mind to this day. Nahmie, at six years old, could see right through my rational response, and chose to open my eyes to what really mattered. She wasn't jealous of Alyssa, or even confused. Nahmie's heart was broken. She loved Alyssa, and Alyssa was leaving.

How much we can learn from the heart of a child. That is not the point, Ms. Poage, she said, when the world and society can tell us the opposite, emphasizing competition and at times, apathy towards others.

"What is the point then Nahmie?" I wanted to ask. I wanted to know, because at 23, I feel like I have forgotten.

But I hugged her, I loved her, and I learned from her...my wise six year old. And maybe, just maybe, THAT is the point.

My Prince Charming

2010-05-13T13:17:00.001-04:00

As little girls, many of us are raised with the idea of finding wholeness, happiness, and our dreams, once we meet our Prince Charming and he "saves" us from our apparent life of mediocrity. (Thank you Disney) Before meeting Ben, I was constantly asked if I was dating anyone "yet", as if I would not be a worthy or whole woman until I met my man...

My freshman year of college, my friend Brittany wanted to set me up on a date with a water polo player at University of Southern California, actually the top water polo player in the country. He was also VERY physically attractive conventionally. Like, probably top 1%.   (think...Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Justin Bieber???) Could this be my Prince Charming? The man to "save me" and give me wholeness, validate my worth, and allow me truly pursue my dreams?

The night of the Big Date, I spent hours picking out an outfit, straightening my hair, and applying my makeup. Finally, with my heart beating extremely rapidly and sweat pouring profusely from my body, this little girl from Kansas was ready to meet the Big Man on Campus, Mr. Water Polo, my Prince Charming.

We drove to USC, parked, and headed into the dorms. I was so excited to meet him, however our initial interaction was quite awkward. He took one look at me, pulled Brittany into the adjoining room, and announced, loud enough for me to easily hear it...

"She is NOT pretty enough for me."

Whew. My ego was not happy. Tears streamed down my face. In fact, all I wanted to do was run, fly back to my campus and to the safety of my apparent mediocrity. The night was intense and I had to stay, as I had no way of getting home.

I've often wondered how and if this experience has continued to script my life to this day...and then in class last weekend, I had a vision that I am processing. In the vision, I was a marionette puppet attached to all these strings that were pulling me this way and that. Who was the puppeteer? MEN. At many points in my life, including, but not limited to the night at USC, I have handed over my strings, my power, to men. I have looked for male validation for so much of my life to give me permission to dance, to design my life, to save me.

If a man told me he heard I was easy, I would become a prude. If a man said he liked my hair long, I would swear to never cut it again. If a guy I thought was handsome told me I wasn't pretty enough, I agreed and decided I would never be loved or ENOUGH.   I thought marrying my "Prince Charming" would stop this cycle of needing outside validation from men, but up until now, it hasn't.

However, in this vision last weekend, I pictured me, the puppet, BUSTING THROUGH THOSE STRINGS....I am dancing to my own music, my own rhythm. I take my power back. God is my Co-Director. It's me and Spirit now! Designing and choreographing my BEAUTIFUL dance through this Life...

So Mr. USC, I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I am not pretty enough. I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I need validation from men, from anyone, to feel whole, beautiful, and enough. I forgive myself for believing I needed a Prince Charming to save me. And I am grateful for that experience and many that have followed.

No man is going to save me...no man is going to make feel whole or worthy or beautiful. I don't need that anymore. There is only one true quest to healing, Love, and wholeness and that is the journey within.

My Date with God.

I joyfully drive down into the dorms of my soul, where I meet the Source, the Divine, my true Prince Charming. He holds me in a loving embrace and I remember where I came from, who I am as a Being of Beauty and Light...and I hear his words, like a waterfall of Love...

"You have always been and will forever be ENOUGH."

God: Now Hiring

2010-04-29T22:29:00.000-04:00

I am soon to be leaping into the career unknown, shifting from my J-O-B to Full Time living the vocation of my dreams (my glamorous and exciting calling as a speaker, writer, coach, and performer)!!! This is huge and amazing and super scary as well. Sometimes I'm immersed in such faith and trust that I feel as if could walk a tight rope across the Long Island Sound, balancing babies on my head. Other moments, I feel ready to curl up in a ball and see if McDonald's is hiring.

Yesterday, I was walking to the gym and I glanced at a sign that said Gap: Now Hiring. I chuckled to myself and mumbled, "It's only a block away from my apartment, maybe I should go in and check it out."

Suddenly, new, shimmering words flashed across my line of vision: GOD: NOW HIRING...

I stopped dead in my tracks, smiled up at the blue spring sky, and said, "I hear you, I hear you." When God speaks, whether it is with words, actions, or symbols like the sign that I saw, I am going to listen.

God is hiring, taking applications for our Divine birthright, asking us to claim our calling, our life purpose. There are no interviews, because the Divine knows us as Her own. We are one and the same. The job turnover rate is 0% because once we are living our life's work, we are in the flow, co-manifesting magic and miracles with every breath we take. There is no reason to run. No reason to hide. No reason to have it all "figured out" yet.

God: Now Hiring...The BEST BOSS EVER!!! And the benefits like peace, non-judgement, fulfillment, wholeness, and unconditional love cannot be beat.

God: Now Hiring...sign up now or sign up later. It's my choice. It's your choice. I choose Now.

Let's Get Naked

2010-04-16T21:23:00.001-04:00

A note to my parental units that may be reading this: You may feel similarly to the father on Coyote Ugly who walked into the dive bar to find his only daughter dancing on top of a bar...consider yourself sufficiently warned.

Today I got naked. And no, I am not talking about undressing for the shower or to change into my work out clothes. I, Cora Poage, got naked at a PUBLIC Sauna at my gym.

This mortifying experience actually happened by accident.

Normally, I wrap a towel around my body, and meditate inside the warmth and steam of the room. For me, it is literally, a tiny piece of heaven. Yet, I always have that towel protecting me, keeping me safe, allowing no one to truly "see" me.

Until today...I sat up a little straighter after my meditation and to my horror my towel unraveled and fell to my side. I sucked in a breath and made sure no one was inside or venturing into the sauna, as I scrambled to bring the towel back to it's proper home.

Yet, something told me to wait. A whisper. My intuition? My authentic self? The pervert with the video camera peering in from the guy's locker room? (typical high-school old wive's tale...)

Now I have never been a "naked" kinda gal in my life. (in the past) I am the girl in high-school who brought my gym clothes to a closed stall to change. I've been a "lights off in the bedroom" person, I have NEVER skinny dipped, although I think I faked it once in college. There are very few naked baby pictures of me. In fact, I literally think I came out of my mom's womb screaming, "Towel, GIVE ME A TOWEL...WAAAAH!"

Yet today, in the sauna, the towel fell just as I was stating one of my favorite affirmations, "I am enthusiastically loving and accepting ALL of me. I am living My Truth out loud with gusto."

I took three deep breaths and I felt the warmth and steam touch my body, ALL of my body. I tried to let go of self-consciouness, of self-judgement and I just breathed in the moment. I looked at my body from a place of unconditional love and I tried to see myself the way God sees me. I sent my naked Being prayers of deep gratitude for all my body allows me to experience, enjoy, and partake in on this Earthly plane.

I taste amazing foods, feel the silky fur of my cat, kiss the soft lips of my husband, hear the ocean water stroking the sand, dance to my heart's content, and see the loving essence of other Beings whom I love. I may be a soul having a human experience, but this naked body of mine sure does help make the human stuff way more fun!

On my path of self-love and acceptance, I realize that loving my nakedness is truly important. Not only for the literal interpretation of this amazing lesson in the sauna, but also for the symbolic meaning of the towel.

In the past, I have kept a "towel" around me in life, trying to cover parts of me (personality traits, etc) that I didn't think were attractive or well-received by others. I used this metaphorical towel to tone down my light, keep playing small, and hide out in the corner of the sauna. Afraid of my nakedness, I even hid from God.

Yet today, I am taking off my towels BOTH of them...I am dancing around this sauna of Life, letting my light shine, my nakedness be witnessed, and I am playing it Big.

"I am enthusiastically loving and accepting ALL of me. I am living my Truth out loud with gusto."

So everyone, are you with me? Are you ready? Are you willing?

LET'S GET NAKED!!!

The Prom Queen Strikes Again

2010-04-12T22:58:00.001-04:00

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" or "losses".

I am a center of pure, loving consciousness.

This weekend, I was in Los Angeles attending my Graduate School, University of Santa Monica where I am receiving a degree in Spiritual Psychology. This month we had presentations as well.

"Great, awesome, fabulous," I thought to myself. "I love public speaking, love presenting. This will be a beautiful experience."

My dear readers, I was positively jazzed for this assignment. I spent an hour or so creating posters for my Spiritual Approach called IsCupid Matchmaking Services or Inner Soulmate Cupid.:) "Our mission is to pair our clients with their Inner Soulmate. We believe that the deepest life partnership is the one within."

A blast to write and a joy to present, I spoke about the importance of Self Dating and falling in love with your Inner Soulmate. The benefits of the approach included wholeness, the Knowing of one's Intrinsic Self Worth, and also the Remembrance of our unending Union with Source.

Well, all was peaceful and fine in Cora Land UNTIL our small group (we presented in front of 15 other people or so) VOTED ON THE BEST PRESENTATION. The top presenters from each group would share their approach with the whole school.

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" and "losses".

I am a center of pure, loving consciousness.

Suddenly, I felt a part of my Basic Self, my Ego, coming forward into my awareness. I call her the Prom Queen.

"Ooooh! A competition," the Prom Queen squealed. "You have to win. I mean, public speaking is YOUR thing. And come on, Cora, you know that in order to a be STAR student at USM you have to be picked to perform."

Then my Higher Self, "I hear you Prom Queen and I understand what you are saying. I love you. However, I trust and surrender to this process. Whoever is "meant" to present, will be the one to receive this opportunity."

Deep breath. We voted. I tied for the top presentation. We voted again. I "lost".

Deep breath. I truly found a place of gratitude and acceptance within. However, once in awhile I would still hear the Prom Queen saying, "You aren't a truly successful student because you didn't win."

The next day, the day of the final presentations, I felt a bit off. I noticed that I was seeking outside affirmation or ego strokes from others including my friends and teachers. It was like I was trying to make up for this perceived "loss". It did not feel very good and it felt especially incongruent with my Authentic Self.

Through an incredible counseling trio, I was able bring up that Prom Queen and really address that for years, I searched for my self worth through accolades and outside affirmation. I wanted to be the best student, loved by the teachers, the best friend, adored by her peers, and most notably I wanted to "win".

As I looked deeper into this part of myself and my life, I thought of my Spritiual Approach, my presentation. If I am in union with my Inner Soulmate, I am in love with Self, in the Knowing of my unending union with Source, and totally aware of my intrinsic self worth as a Divine Being having a human experience.

When my Prom Queen popped up, I recognized that I was letting her run the show, instead of Spirit, of God. I was allowing my Ego to make me feel "less than worthy" and in desperate need of outside affirmation.

I was allowing the Prom Queen to be my Queen, my God, my partner in life. Instead of my Inner Soulmate, my Authentic Self.

Time for Self-Forgiveness...

"I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I need affirmation from the outside to prove my worthiness."

That feels wonderful. Deep Breath. My Prom Queen is a part of me. I am grateful for her. I am. She served a purpose in my life for many years. But I don't need her anymore. She can rest, take off her crown.

Better yet, she can give the crown to my Inner Soulmate.

I blink back tears of love as I watch the beautiful "best" presentations. I am in awe of the Divine wisdom, the love, the courage of all of the presenters. Especially the Goddess who presented from my group. Her light shines so bright as she speaks, her love and words touch me to the core.

I feel absolutely HONORED to be in the audience, to be witnessing and supporting my amazing classmates. The Universe really knows what She is doing...

I am not my body. I am not my actions. I am not my "wins" or "losses".

I am Center of Pure Loving Consciousness. I AM my Inner Soulmate.

BECOME YOUR DREAM

2010-03-25T13:47:00.002-04:00

I yelled at my husband today. Well, at least my voice became louder and a bit more intense. I admit it. javascript:void(0)

This was not his fault. I do not blame him. He didn't even trigger me. Basically, I was yelling at MYSELF...through poor Ben.

Why was I feeling tension within?

My Soul is ready to soar as a business owner and entrepreneur. (YAY!) I am ready to shed my old skin of Super Woman Health and transform my business into a company that is truly congruent with my authentic Self and my Divine calling in life. This is playing it REALLY BIG! This is truly living my life's mission of serving the world through the teaching of self-love, owning our power, and living our dream lives.

Yet, my small self feels some fear about this. Mostly this comes up around the name of my company. I feel a deep call to the name: SEXY SOUL WELLNESS. It speaks to my truth, my heart, my mission on this earth. To help other women re-claim their inner Sexy, their Goddess within and celebrate that power! When I say, I am Cora Poage, Owner of Sexy Soul Wellness, my spirit starts to sing and dance.

However, I have received feedback that "sexy" might scare some people away, or attract the "wrong" type of clientele...LOL. I am nervous that my business might be a little "too much" for some people to handle. I am even worried about seeming risque or something.

Yet, I can't shake the feeling that this name is speaking to me for a reason. I feel that SEXY SOUL WELLNESS will attract just the right top of client for me. Im motivated to re-claim the word SEXY as empowered feminine characteristic! My daily affirmation is "I am enthusiastically loving and accepting ALL of me. I am living my truth Out Loud with Gusto." This is my dream business name, this is living Out Loud.

Yesterday, I was walking down 85th and I was feeling deep gratitude for all the amazing blessings that I have been receiving from the Universe lately. I glanced to my right, where someone had discarded a large, red easy chair. Written very largely in permanent marker, were the words, BECOME YOUR DREAM.

Today, I walked out of my favorite Health Food Store on 3rd Ave, and saw a rather disgusting discarded mattress on the street. In large black permanent marker, was the message: BECOME YOUR DREAM.

I hear you Universe! Thank you. I am ready.

To Do List:

1. Call Ben and apologize.

2. Read the Goddess Oracle Card that I drew today: PELE: DIVINE PASSION..."Be honest with yourself: What is you heart's true desire?" OMG.

3. Change my business name to Sexy Soul Wellness.

4. BECOME MY DREAM

Who are YOUR Bridge Partners?

2010-03-21T20:50:00.000-04:00

"We are getting so great at Bridge!", my 84 year old client shared with me. "My husband and I are tickled pink because we truly beat everyone we play!" She laughed and then continued, "Do you know what my son said when I told him that we are winning every game?"

Her son is President of a major Institution, and a widely known, very successful inspirational speaker and teacher.

She continued, "He said to me, 'Mom, then you are playing with the wrong people.'"

I love this advice because at some point in our lives, as our skills grow, our wisdom increases, and we aren't learning anymore, we have to make the choice to find new Bridge partners or risk playing small for the rest of our lives. It reminds me of high-school basketball games. Our coach would often yell, "You guys are playing down to the other team's level. You are so much better than them." We often played our best games against the most skilled teams.

I just returned to Manhattan from an incredible girlfriend retreat with my beautiful friend Molly. Every time I spend time with Molly in person, or over the phone, I am challenged, inspired, and awakened. Her depth of Being, her spiritual journey, and her incredible wisdom are so life giving for me. When I am with Molly, I am Me. No filter, no playing small, no trying to hide my light, or my dark, for that matter. I am truly alive and in the Now.

When I am with Molly, I am definitely playing Bridge with the RIGHT person.

Ali Brown, A Business and Empowerment Coach, shared in one of her tele-seminars that we are the sum of the five people in our lives with whom we spend the most time.

Who are my Top 5?

The children I tutor
The Chef at the house of the children I tutor (I REALLY love her gazpacho, so I tend to "drop in" to the kitchen quite often!!)
Ben (husband)

Probably in that order...oh boy. These are my bridge partners. Am I truly playing with the right people in my life?

Ali began to take questions from the class. One woman (We'll call her Susan) shared that she had all these huge dreams and goals and she was so excited about them, but her friends seemed less than enthused when she shared these aloud. They told her that her dreams were "kinda big and crazy."

What did Ali say? You might have guessed already, but her response was as follows; "It's time to get new friends." She went on to share that Susan didn't have to STOP loving her old friends, but needed to find other people who supported her, who wanted to play it BIG in life also.

Ali recommended that it was time for Susan to start playing Bridge with the right people.

My senior year of high-school, I had a major shift in life perspective around the time of Hurricane Katrina. The day I heard about the catastrophe, I couldn't sleep at night. I kept picturing people trying to sleep without a roof, blankets, and pillows. In the morning, I called my friends Nichole and Preeti, and we decided to start a group called Project Esperanza (Hope in Spanish), a Community Service group that would raise money for the Red Cross. We used a Double Date Raffle(totally rigged in my favor by the way! My secret is out Aaron and Grant!), a MORP (Sadie Hawkin's Dance, and Singing Telegrams...HILARIOUS! We raised A LOT of money AND had a ton of fun. I felt like I was playing BIG, answering my Calling, and living in a flow deeply connected to Source.

What really surprised me at the time, was how many of my other "friends" weren't very supportive of this endeavor. "Oh, Cora just started this club for attention or for her college applications." (brilliant idea, but I'd already applied...lol) In truth, my "Party on the Weekend" friends and I began to drift apart. The people who I connected with around Project Esperanza, around hope and service, became my closest friends moving forward. Many of these folks are still my friends to this day.

Eckhart Tolle says that as we embark on the path to living in the Now, from our Authentic Self, connected to the Divine, it will become more and more clear when we are not surrounded by others who are vibrating at that frequency also. He states that it will be like "oil and water". He says that trying to change the other people is impossible. It is time to move on, to find new friends, new relationships, your very own Molly.:)

I have come to believe that in life, certain relationships with people, jobs, and other commitments are meant to transform, and sometimes even come to completion. I have learned not to see this as a "bad" thing, but as a natural falling away, like the changing of seasons.

One of my Vision Boards reads:

"Every time you let go of something limiting, you make room for something better."

This does not mean that the shift has to be dramatic, nasty, or ugly. Quite the opposite, actually. This can be a peaceful, natural, parting or closure.

There might be a short mourning or reflection time as we change Bridge partners, but soon this this will be replaced by a new chapter, an amazing opportunity, a beautiful manifestation of our true destiny.

Who will my top 5 be in three months?

Ben, God, my incredible family, my business partner, acting and singing coaches, my USM family, the Editor of my book, my agent, my celebrity clients?

I do know one thing, that my Top 5 will be different. Because I am growing, saying YES to the Divine's Plan for me, playing it BIG! I am finding new Bridge partners. I am feeling the changing of the seasons and I am embracing the shift with peace, joy, and gratitude.

For now, I will relish every spoonful of Gazpacho...

Deserving of our Dreams?

2010-03-17T13:19:00.003-04:00

I recently read that Roberto Assagioli, a famous psychologist, defined neurosis as "vacillating in the decision seat".

Oh boy, can I relate to this. Just yesterday morning, I received an amazing email from the father of the family I tutor. I rolled over in bed as my alarm blared, tried to turn of my phone and noticed a blinking red light, informing me of a new email. As I read the words, my heart almost jumped out of my chest!

"Hey Cora

We have sort of a crazy idea. Not sure if it would interest you so it's an open invite. For spring break we are going to Geneva Chamonix and then Verona Cortina and Venice. If you would like to join us for some or all of the trip we and the kids would love to have you."

What a way to wake up! I was floored! My dreams were coming to fruition. I have an Ideal Scene/Vision Board hanging up in my bedroom titled TRAVELING. Underneath the main heading there is one line that reads: "I am lovingly saying yes to traveling for my job." Another line says: "I am joyfully accepting opportunities to travel for free!" Under my ideal scene for my Tutoring Job, it reads, "I am gratefully receiving amazing bonuses and gifts."

Here was the Universe saying YES, the co-creating was in Full Force! I was so pumped!

So what happened next? I was on a high most of the day. Then, in the evening, I felt a shift. I felt my brain start to THINK..."Wait a minute Cora, you have homework. Weren't you going to deep clean your apartment? What about your business? What if it isn't fun? You haven't skied since you were 13." I began to realize that my Over-Thinking was starting to lead me to Paralysis by Analysis or Assagioli's definition of neurosis.

I was starting to feel a bit crazy. And then Ben asked me the most important question ever.

"Cora, remember how you felt when you first heard about this option? You were so excited and ready to go! You saw it as the Universe manifesting your desires and dreams." Then he looked at me carefully, like he wasn't quite sure how to say this next part. "Cora, is there a part of you that doesn't feel like you DESERVE this gift?"

Whoah! He zoomed right in on one of the major reasons for my vacillation. There was a small, but loud, part of me that didn't feel deserving, as a tutor, employee, or person. And that part of me was gaining power from my over-thinking and indecision.

Limiting Belief: "I do not deserve to have all my wildest dreams come true."

This line in my script does not serve me anymore. This keeps me playing small!!

Self-Forgiveness: "I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I am undeserving of gifts, bonuses, or manifestation of my dreams."

Whew. Much better. Deep breath. I totally deserve to have all my dreams come to fruition. We all do! Why? Because God/The Universe/The Divine has put us on this Earth to live out our true exciting, exhillerating, incredible life's purpose. This does not mean playing small. As John Rogers states, "It's foolish not to win in your own fantasies." Or Marianne Williamson, "We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us." or "What you are truly seeking, is also seeking you."-Clarissa Pinkola Estes

This or something better for the highest good of all concerned!

When I put my intentions into the care of the Universe, the Universe responds tenfold. Why? Because I am fulfilling my destiny. I am serving my calling as a Divine conduit of light, love, and miracles. I choose to say YES to the magic, to trust the Divine Process, to leap into the unknown. Then, my only job is to express deep gratitude, excitement, and enthusiasm for the magical manifesting that is truly occurring in my life, in all our lives, when we open our eyes, our ears, and most importantly, our hearts.

Soul Gazing

2010-03-12T10:20:00.005-05:00

Soul Gazing

Part of my Spiritual Psychology Grad School Weekend at the University of Santa Monica includes a practice called Soul Gazing. This is always one of the last activities of the weekend.

Description: Find a partner. Gaze into his/her eyes, into their soul, with love and acceptance or whatever else comes up for TWENTY-FIVE seconds. Oh, did I mention that the partners are holding hands? There is always a beautiful, loving song playing in the background as well. After 25 seconds, a bell rings, and we move on to the next person. This continues until the song ends.

The first time we practiced this activity, I literally almost ran out the door. No joke. This was too much for me. The intimacy was so deep and intense. I found myself wanting to look away from anyone who was looking at me. I was jealous even, of the folks who seemed so totally able to maintain strong, loving eye contact. I just knew I wasn't doing this right. I found myself trapped in self-consciousness and self-doubt.

I zig zagged around the room, trying to hide, although there was nowhere to go. I was going to be "seen" to be "loved" no matter what. It was rather frightening.

As person by person took my hands and gazed into my eyes with love and acceptance, I suddenly felt a shift inside my body, my soul that brings me to tears even in the present moment.

Maybe it was the second or third person, a good friend of mine actually. I took his hands, feeling more comfortable. He warmly made eye contact, his face shining with light. I took a deep breath and suddenly I dropped out of my head and into my heart. And I SAW my beautiful friend's soul. His love and Divine light poured from his eyes into mine. My brain stopped the Inner Critic chatter and I was in the present, in the Loving.

As I truly SAW his soul, I felt myself being SEEN. I received his love and acceptance with deep gratitude. The exchange was incredible. I actually didn't want to STOP Soul Gazing.

From that moment on, each and every experience of Soul Gazing has been more and more beautiful. Sometimes the soul, the light, or even the dark that is present for another person or for myself brings me to tears. Sometimes I feel like I am being embraced deeply by the person across from me. Other times, I feel like I am literally falling in love with my partner.

I have begun to bring Soul Gazing into my every day life. There are moments when I Soul Gaze with myself in the mirror. What a powerful exchange of unconditional self-love. Other times, it is with my husband, especially when I note that I am not feeling present or in the Loving. It is so fun with the kids I tutor. As they tell me stories about their day including difficult tests or silly pranks they may have pulled, I look deep into their beautiful eyes with love and acceptance and I am so present and grateful and in love with their Beings.

I even do this on the streets of New York City. Although, usually not for 25 seconds. That can illicit some awkward interactions.:) Yet, when I pass someone on the street I look into their eyes, and see the Loving Essence, the soul that is within and I feel the energy of love like an ocean wave washing over us both.

I truly believe that I could fall in love with each and every person's Being if given 25 seconds of Soul Gazing. I recommend it to couples when challenged by disagreement, or to family members who are bickering. Take the time to soul gaze, to truly See and Be Seen, and trust me, you will fall in love with the divine within us all and there will be a tremendous energetic shift.

I even advise this practice for International Peace Mediation. If the leaders of warring factions Soul Gazed with the children from the country they are fighting or the soldiers from two sides of a conflict Soul gazed across the border at one another, there could be no more war. Because when we look into another beings Soul, we see our brothers, sisters, friends, parents, and most of all we see OURSELVES. Because at a soul level, I am you, and you are me. How can we hurt other souls having human experiences? How can we truly See and Be Seen, and still destroy each other?

Try it. Let me know how it goes. Start with yourself in the mirror. Take 25 seconds to stare deep into your eyes, into the Loving, and see the truth. You will start by giving and receiving love, and soon there will be nothing left but LOVE. Love, our birthright, our destiny, our true essence.

Pigeon Poo

2010-03-09T23:29:00.003-05:00

A couple days ago, I was walking in the New York City winter sunshine, when I paused to wait for the cross walk to signal that I could continue. Suddenly, I heard a HUGE SPLAT and glancing just to my right, I realized that I had been inches away from being baptized by a pigeon's digested breakfast.

"Whew," I said to myself. "That was a close call. I was almost nailed!"

My mind slipped back to one of my first memories from college when a friend and I were walking down the street chatting. Out of nowhere, a sea gull flying above us released it's wastes on the long, curly hair of my unsuspecting companion. She handled it very well, after, "Oh my god, it's so gross. Get it out. GET IT OUT!"

I realized in that moment, that it doesn't matter how great you are, sometimes shi*t happens. My friend is an awesome, amazing, incredible person, and she STILL got shat on. She handled it gracefully and laughed about it later however, which I greatly admired.

Staring at the white blob on my right, I pondered if I would handle that situation so well. I'm sure it would be a learning experience, where I would be called to let go, laugh at myself, and move on with grace and ease. Sometimes it's the dirtiest, stinkiest, most icky experiences that teach me the most in life. Blessings in disguise. Life lessons. A chance to pick a constructive or destructive response to the metaphorical poo that sometimes falls from the sky when we least expect it.

I looked up in the sky and suddenly realized I was standing directly under a lamp post with LITERALLY 20 pigeons chilling right above my head. It was seriously a pigeon hotel or something. I might as well have painted a bulls eye on my face.

It took me a split second to make the decision to step to the left and move far, far away. Blessings in disguise and all that are great, but there are other ways to learn life's lessons that don't include pigeon poop.

Then I realized that a deep Learning had occurred, one in which I will carry with me forever. The Universe offers us Free Will and choice, which can be a beautiful thing when used wisely...My new found wisdom is as follows:

"Sh*t happens, but I sure as heck don't have to be target practice."

2010-02-27T21:06:00.004-05:00

"So it's just the beginning of 2010," my beautiful friend noted with love and excitement in her voice. "What do you picture your life like next December? Where will you live? What will you be doing? What are your wildest dreams?"

I cringed. I really did! I shut my eyes and I felt my Being, my Core, resisting this Visioning Exercise.

Up until recently, I have been TOTALLY down for long term goals, planning, and dreaming...In fact, I spent much of my time in my own head.

I have always been good, great even, at THINKING BIG. When I was little, I was not just going to play basketball, I was going to be in the WNBA. I was not just going to sing in my middle school choir, I was going to be the Next Madonna.

However, this dreaming big, was not always followed with action steps. In fact, MUCH of the time, it was not followed by actions steps.

I am an EXPERT at making Vision Boards, journaling about ideal scenarios and long term plans (5 years, 10 years, 15 years), or talking about my Dreams.

But what about the Action?

My dad sent me a quote this week that read, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that." -J.K. Rowling

In the past, what prevented me from taking action in the direction of my dreams? My amazing school, the University of Santa Monica, recently assisted me in this quandary. They taught us the different between 3 and 30 foot tosses.

The teachers set up a real, live ring toss game in our class room. Then, with the help of volunteers, they proved to us that throwing the ring from THREE feet away instead of THIRTY feet racked up the overall points MUCH faster and more effectively. In fact NO ONE was able to successfully throw the ring around the peg from more than 15 feet away.

THIS BLEW MY MIND...Suddenly, I realized that I was ONLY trying to throw 30 foot tosses. That I was THINKING so BIG that I fell into the trap of Extremes and All or Nothing Thinking. For example, if I dreamed of being a performer, I was going to be Dolly in Hello Dolly on Broadway immediately (30 foot toss) or if I dreamed of being a writer, I had to have my 200 page memoir published and a Best Seller by age 29.(30 foot toss, well maybe 300 ft toss)

The beauty of three foot tosses looks something like this. Dream: Performer. 3 Foot tosses: Attend information session for Acting Classes, Voice lessons once a week...Dream: Writer. 3 foot tosses: Start a blog. Write more poems.

"Spirit meets us in the place of action." -USM

Up until recently, I was stuck in 30 foot thinking. I am proud to say that I am now an active three foot tosser. And my friends, each toss DOES add up.

So where do I want to be in December 2010? Do I want to be playing in the WNBA? Better start practicing my free throws. Maybe I want to be Madonna. I will start with singing in my church choir. 3 foot tosses baby.

Ring by ring, step by step, until sometimes, I stop look around and feel nothing but immense gratitude for my life in the NOW. I am in the present tense, out of my head, and into my heart, where life TRULY takes place, in the moment, witnessing my dreams unfolding with Divine purpose, love, and A LOT of THREE FOOT TOSSES.

2010-02-13T17:14:00.006-05:00

"If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved." — Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)

"I just don't know if Ben is spiritual enough for me." I found myself saying to a fellow Spiritual Psychology student last weekend, regarding my partner of 8 years.

"Or maybe he doesn't go as deep in conversations or something. I just don't feel like I am completely heard or seen by him. I don't think we have much spiritual intimacy. Almost like we speak different languages about this stuff."

"Hmmm...", my wise counselor responded. "Do you think you have EVER felt this kind of spiritual intimacy with Ben?"

I closed my eyes, blinked back tears, and remembered the first summer we met. Exploration Summer Program, Boston, MA, 2002. I saw him from across the room at the Staff Orientation. Our first conversation felt like magic, the flow to our communication, so organic, even Divine. "Who was this angel in a (hot) male's body?", I wondered.

His blue eyes danced with spirit, his laugh, deep with connection to Source, and his very Being personified faith. It felt simple then, to surrender to his love, our love. We were so innocent. Spiritual intimacy was natural. The term "soul mates" even comes to mind. We were best friends in a breath, partners in a heart beat...in love with each other for life.

"Yes, yes," I said. "Absolutely, I have felt this kind of intimacy with Ben."

"Would you like to tell me more about what has happened since that first summer?" she asks.

Our Story flashes through my head, my heart, what has lead us to where we are now.

My own Irrational Beliefs around marriage and men come to the surface in a torrent of emotion. I hear them..."All marriages end in divorce. It is only a matter of time before someone is unfaithful. Husbands try to tie their wives down. I have to have four kids and cook like Martha Stewart to be loved. He says he supports my dreams, but I don't believe it."

Deep Breath. Are any of these really true for Us? No. Not at all. Although I don't think Ben would mind a pot roast dinner once in awhile. Hell, neither would I!

Deep Breath. Self Forgiveness: I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that all marriages end in divorce. I forgive myself for assuming that because my parents got divorced a couple times, then so will I. I forgive myself for judging Ben as a chauvinistic tyrant. (couldn't be farther from the Truth)

I look up in my counselor's face and I see love, support, light. "This is helpful. I feel more open to my marriage. But what about this whole spiritual intimacy thing?"

I close my eyes again. And I hear him. Who? ECKHART TOLLE...I didn't even know I had this quote memorized, but I did.

"Outflow determines inflow. You can't receive what you don't GIVE. What you think the world is withholding from you, you already have."

The tears flowed outwardly with gusto this time. I pictured Ben's beautiful face and I realized the Truth. My irrational belief that Ben wasn't "spiritual enough" came from my own FEAR of intimacy. WHOAH!

My fear, that if I open up to him from my deepest Authentic Self, from my place of Divine Love inside, from the Loving, that he will leave, get scared, abandon me. Suddenly, I feel a strange mix of empowerment, AND deep annoyance. "You mean, this is up to me? I have to take action?"

And a new voice Within, "Yes, honey. This is up to you. You built the walls. Now you get to knock them down."

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

""If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved."" — Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)

On this Valentine's Day Weekend, I dedicate my Blog Post to you Ben. My lover, my teacher, my partner in life, and my very best friend. I vow to break down the walls, brick by brick, as I open up to you more and more. As I "let myself be truly seen". Forgive me for these irrational beliefs that I have held around you and marriage UP UNTIL NOW. I am releasing them. These do not serve me. I am open to a spiritual intimacy with you and I am enthusiastically and lovingly holding a safe space for you to open up to me as well. (if you so choose)

In closing...when Ben and I were engaged I shared a story with him about a woman who had been divorced once. When her boyfriend requested her hand in marriage, she said she really had to think about it. She was delving into an amazing career and was really focused on self-care, her son, and her own dreams. She asked for two weeks to go up to her family's cabin and deliberate.

After only one week, there was a knock on her cabin door. There was her boyfriend with a box in his hand. "I know I was supposed to let you be alone for two weeks, but I wanted to bring this to you." She opened up the box, and inside there was a rock and a feather. "I'm the rock, and you are the feather," he said, "Go pursue your dreams, your independent goals. I am here for you. I can be your home base." She decided to marry him...:)

I shared this story with Ben. I said, "Can't you relate? Don't you think I'm the feather, and you're the rock?"

He smiled at me, took my hand, and said, "You are my rock AND my feather."

So Ben, on this almost Valentines Day, I am truly surrendering to your unconditional love and letting go of the outcome. I am choosing Love. I am choosing Faith. I am choosing to believe that "this or something better for the highest good of all concerned."

And Ben, you are my rock AND my feather.

2010-02-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

SOULMATE

“You are your own soulmate”

These words came to me
on the elliptical in a Costa Rican gym
how completely random
YET the true answer to all my questions

How long have I been searching
for wholeness
traveling, journeying, connecting
outside of myself

Looking for that missing piece
that extra assurance
that I was a Child of God
a person of worth

Wondering if it was really my husband
or a guru or a deep friendship, almost romantic
that provided this Soulmate role.

She was inside me all along
This Soulmate

And suddenly this action of “finding myself”
transforms into something that can only be described
as a Homecoming.

A coming home to myself, God, my true Soulmate

And I cried as I loved myself
for the first time

Finally, I accepted me, all of me, the Prodigal Daughter
Wrapped in my own embrace and God’s light

I cried

and came Home.

2010-02-04T10:11:00.004-05:00

FAITH

I always wondered what FAITH really meant. And then I jumped into the dark abyss of the Unknown, letting go of the Outcome, trusting the Divine's Will and Love for me would serve as wings. Faith is the ability to enjoy the fall, the leap, the dance into letting go of the Control Freak Role and the acceptance of whatever miracles the Universe has in store for me.

2010-01-23T11:50:00.007-05:00

The word "UNIQUE" has always been a bit loaded for me...I have heard this word spoken in conjunction with my personality, my outside appearance, my family, my decisions, etc. SO many times, that I have felt a bit "haunted" by this seemingly harmless word.

Last weekend, I attended a fabulous workshop for Beginners of the 12-Week Creativity Program called the Artist's Way. I am not an Artist's Way virgin. Two years ago, I had the incredible pleasure of taking this class with the author of the book, Julia Cameron. She swears like a sailor, tells it like it is, and has an AMAZING ability to assist her students in embracing their Creative Voice and Spirit...their authentic Self.

This specific class last week was taught by the beautiful Suzanne Boothby, a good friend of mine and incredible teacher. (highly recommend her classes!) One exercise particularly stood out for me. We each designed an affirmation that spoke to our creative, authentic Selves. This was mine:

"I am a fabulous and talented Performer."

We were instructed to write it five times in our notebooks. Then, we were supposed to jot down any of the comments we heard from our Inner Critic, the voice inside our head that tries to keep us from pursuing our dreams. Here were some of mine:

"I am a fabulous and talented Performer."

Critic: "No you're not. You are a Tutor."

hmmm...again. "I am a fabulous and talented Performer."

Critic: "Yes, you and all the other singer/actors/performers without work or money."

Okay..."I AM A FABULOUS AND TALENTED PERFORMER."

Critic: "Sorry, hun, but you are too UNIQUE looking to truly be a performer."

WHOAH! Tears welled up in my eyes. Where did THAT come from???

Flashback: Fourth grade, Hays, KS. (Very Volga German) In a class of blond hair beauties, I was the ONLY one with black hair. The kids nicknamed me Alien Eyes, because my eyes have always been "unique" looking. One VERY religious classmate wouldn't talk to me because she (and her ENTIRE family) thought I was a Witch.

Flashback: Middle School. No boyfriend EVER! Except, when the Popular Guys wanted to be funny and pretend to ask me out. I was a Ballet Dancer in Middle School and was ALWAYS cast as The Witch in all of the productions...because of my "unique" look. (Never the Princess)

Flashback: High-School. I spent much of my four years trying to look less "unique". Well, to BE less unique as well. By Senior Year, I had dyed my hair blonde...and wore more make up than Lady Gaga.

Flashback: College in Los Angeles. Set up on a Blind Date with the Captain of the University of Southern California's Water Polo Team. He took one look at me, pulled my friend into the next room (where I could hear the conversation PERFECTLY) and said, "She's NOT pretty enough." Awkward...and a bit heart breaking at the time.

Flashback: Starbucks, one week ago. The guy at the counter looks at me for a few seconds and then says, "What ARE you?? Your eyes, they are sooooo.....UNIQUE!!"

AAAAAH!!!!!! I've heard it all my life. And through this workshop, I recognized that these memories, that this interpretation of my outside appearance, has played a part in holding me back from pursuing my dream life, from taking actions steps to Live Out Loud in this world as a performer.

I wish I could say I am above all this. That other people's interpretation of me and my appearance has never mattered...but fellow blog readers, friends, family, God, you know otherwise.

This does not serve me...I am letting it go. (or trying to let it go)

Actually I AM RECLAIMING MY BODY, MY LOOKS, MY AUTHENTIC SELF....and

I AM RECLAIMING THE WORD UNIQUE...I like it. I take it as a compliment...From this day forward...

so I am closing with a poem of sorts:

Unique

maybe I will change my name to this word
that has defined me for years
and held me back from my dreams
UP UNTIL NOW

because Unique makes waves,
lives Out Loud
turns heads on the street

I may not be your Disney Princess
your blond haired
Abercrombie Doll

I AM ME...

Unique...

My nose, pronounced, wide,
a nod to my Native American heritage
my Spiritual Center

My eyes, widespread,
turned upwards
like a sliver of the moon, shining

My lips, my mouth
one side slants higher
when I smile, mirroring the love within

UNIQUE...

My hair,
one third gray or silver
silver with life's lessons and learning

My nails,
rarely cut or cleaned
all different lengths, eclectic, creative

My body
the temple of my soul
my cherished skin, blemishes, wrinkles, warmth with Spirit

UNIQUE...

I am not your Barbie Doll

I am not your Poster Child

Maybe I AM a witch.

I could be from South America, Italy, KANSAS?

UNIQUE...

maybe I will change my name to this word
that has defined me for years
and held me back from my dreams

UP UNTIL NOW.

2010-01-16T10:23:00.003-05:00

It has been awhile since my last post. Why, you might ask? I wish I could say that I have been steeped in so many Health Counseling clients that my schedule is too FULL. Or, that I have been diligently at work on my Memoir and I haven't been able to spread the writing love to my blog. Or, that I have been heroically rescuing lost pets and children.

When I was 8, in Council Grove, Kansas, my best friend Cami, and I started a Pet Detective Club. We put fliers all over the town that read "Will find lost pets and small children." I kid you not. We did not receive one phone call.... However we hid and found many different stuffed animals in my own backyard.:)

And no, I have not been training for an Ultra-Marathon up Mount Everest that has left me too exhausted to write.

The truth is, up until NOW, I have been in Self-Punishment mode. For me, writing is an incredible form of self-care, and one of the first to go when I feel like I don't deserve these "luxuries."

Without going into intense detail and rehashing the issue/blessing that occurred, I made a HUGE mistake at my job. HUGE. As a self-professed PEOPLE PLEASER, I chose to de-rail a bit. Or a lot. I had my good days (practicing self-forgiveness, taking feedback neutrally, trusting the Divine Process, etc) and my harder days ( self-berating, ostricizing myself socially, and thinking I should quit before they fire me....)

An ironic part of all of this, is that one hour before I received the infamous phone call from my boss, I stood up at my Graduate School Program in Spritual Psychology and announced, in front of 250 incredible witnesses, that I was letting go of my Addiction to People Pleasing, that it did not serve me anymore. I recognized my Fear of Disappointing Others going all the way back to my parent's divorce and feeling like I was responsible. I stood up, ready to let go of my need to please others, to stop living my life out of fear that if I am not making everyone happy, then they will go away, and I will be alone, have no one.

My teachers instructed me in self-forgiveness: "I forgive myself for ever buying into the misunderstanding that I caused my parent's divorce." Whew...a weight lifted and my heart opened...

Then, "I forgive myself for ever buying into the misunderstanding that I have to contort myself or tone it down, to be loved and accepted." Whoah...another huge energetic shift took place.

The love and support in the room was unbelievable. I felt re-born! I was ready stop People Pleasing, live my truth, own my Voice and my Power.

And then, my cell phone rang. It was my boss. Yelling. Swearing. And I had made a HUGE mistake...("When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"-Buddhist Proverb...the Universe responded QUICKLY!)

Did I get through that infamous phone call and not completely fall apart? YES!

Did I fly back to New York and face my fears of going back to work? YES!

Did I lose my job? NO!

Did I finally stop the self-punishment? YES!

Do I feel stronger in retrospect? YES!

WAS THIS PROCESS EASY??? NOOOOOO!!!

Carl Rogers, famous author and psychologist says, "...the process of CHANGE is life. I realize that if I were stable and steady and static, I would be living death. So I accept confusion and uncertainty and fear and emotional highs and lows because they are the price I willingly pay for a flowing, perplexing, exciting life."

Facing my Unresolved Issues (ie People Pleasing Tendencies) is not easy, but the Healing Process is worth it. The Universe gave me an incredible gift with this experience of letting down my boss. I realized that I could separate my inherent self-worth, from my "bad behavior". I recognized that making mistakes doesn't make me a bad person...

Each time, I deal with an experience like this, I feel like I get to know my True Self even better and learn to love Her even more. And in a way, I feel like I am running the Pet Detective Club all over again...Yet this time, I am searching for my lost Authentic Self, for my true voice, my Inner Power, and I am finding Her, this Self...in my Own Backyard.

2009-12-31T12:55:00.003-05:00

To me, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are about New Beginnings. It reminds me of a quote from my amazing Mom, "The woman you were meant to be will be born again, again, and again." What a hopeful interpretation of a Spirit-filled life.

Not everyone sees this Holiday in the same way. I was perusing through my "crack" as I call it, (i.e. Celebrity Gossip Magazines), and I came across this quote by Robert Downey Jr. "I've actually run out of things to give up. I don't know what to do."

Realizing that he knows first hand what it means to have a multitude of addictions, I found myself laughing out loud. Then, I stopped to think. Hmmmm....What will I give up for the New Year 2010? What are my addictions? Here is my list:

In 2010, I Cora Poage, will let go of...

1. Guilt that I am not "doing" enough, being enough, or making enough progress in my life.

2. Self-judgment around the way I look or don't look.

3. Playing Small. (Watch Out World!)

4. Waiting to feel happy, content and blessed....if not now, WHEN?

5. Taking life so seriously. (I'm going to play, take risks, and laugh more!)

6. Taking other people's actions and words so personally. (It's NEVER about me anyways!)

7. Putting my dreams on hold.

8. People-Pleasing

9. The illusion that I am in control. (Let Go, Let the Divine)

10. The past...I am honoring my Story, and the amazing, beautiful characters who have blessed my life in so many ways. AND, I am facing forward with hope, joy, enthusiasm, and immense GRATITUDE.

Next year, maybe it will be me announcing that I have run out things to Let Go. However, as my amazing teachers at USM remind me, "Growth is an ongoing process, NOT an event."

Here's to the Year 2010, and to New Year's Eve, the Holiday that represents New Beginnings, Letting Go of the Past, and the realization that that the Person, the People, we were meant to Be, will be born again, again, and again.

2009-12-24T18:30:00.004-05:00

Food poisoning unleashed it's wrath on my unsuspecting body last night, ALL night. Shivering in a winter coat and pajamas, I sat at the dining room table fending off waves of nausea until I was forced to sprint into the bathroom, tripping over kittens and unwrapped Christmas gifts, getting to know the toilet seat VERY well.

That being said, Ben and I made the decision to stay in Manhattan this Christmas, the two of us. We decided it was not a smart idea to drive to Buffalo to be with family, as is our usual tradition. Normally we are surrounded by family, parents, church outings, trees, games, children, and music. Most holidays we are on the plains of Kansas or the rolling hills of up-state New York. This Christmas we are surrounded by sky scrapers and yellow taxis.

At first, I wondered how this was going to work. Would Christmas still take place? Would Baby Jesus still be born? No stockings? No lights? No tree? No family...No Nativity Scene with the Shepard, Wise Men, Mary, Joseph, and and empty manger waiting for the King.

One of my favorite games as a child (and okay, still to this day) is searching for the Baby Jesus on Christmas Day. The adults would hide him somewhere in the house. There was so much excitement when I found him, placing him in the manger, feeling the power, the magic, the beauty of this tiny baby and the LOVE that he brought to the world. How could we celebrate Christmas without all these traditions?

But wait, I am warm and cozy in my little Manhattan abode. My amazing husband is in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies as I write. We have presents for each other stacked around our apartment. Christmas music is dancing through the rooms. AND, if we look out our bedroom window, there is an INCREDIBLE Christmas tree across the street in the lounge of another apartment complex. Christmas Spirit is everywhere.

Maybe we are missing some of the usual characteristics of this holiday. However, we have Love for each other and for our lives. We are full of Gratitude for the incredible blessings we receive each and every day. We ARE with family: Ben, Cora, Finn, and Sawyer (our kittens)

Finally, we don't have a model manger scene that we are both accustomed to seeing in our parent's homes. I don't get to search for the baby Jesus in the same way as past Christmases. So I close my eyes, and search for Him, just like I did as a child. I don't even have to get up out of my chair to find Him this time. His beautiful spirit, hiding where I can always find him, within my Heart.

Yes, the King of Kings is in our Hearts, where the story of Christmas, of Birth, Hope, Faith, and Unconditional Love lives on and on. Reminding us that we are never alone, there is always hope, the reason for the season is always a breath, a prayer, a wish away. (with or without a tree)

2009-12-17T11:49:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, at Grand Central, I was approached by a 60-something year old man in a business suit. He looked harmless, however, after some interesting pick up lines,(model scout? Sure Buddy, and I'm Santa Claus) asked for my number. When I answered, "Um, I'm married", he didn't flinch and responded, "Yes, but are you HAPPY?"

Whoah! At first, I was flabbergasted. How could he ask that? I mean, of course my marriage is HAPPY. The nerve!

And then, Tiger Woods flashed into my brain...and Leanne Rimes, Brittany Spears, Okay so most of Hollywood. To be honest, I even thought of some of my own acquaintance, friends, and family members, and MYSELF. Is everyone ALWAYS HAPPY in their marriage? No, no we are not.

I think that one of the differences between marriages that last and those that don't is the MOTIVATION for getting hitched. If one is searching for wholeness, to be complete, to be given happiness from a partner, then sorry to say, but failure is imminent. If a person is looking at marriage to MAKE them happy, then I truly believe a disaster awaits.

My grandparents, Tutu and Grandad were married for over 50 years. They have since passed on, but in a conversation with them a few years back, my grandfather said, "Cora, the only way you know you are ready to be married, fully committed to another, is when you know you would be COMPLETELY great on your own." Then he turned to my Grandmother and said, "Liz, I know you would have been Great on your own." She took his hand, and said, "Only HALF as great."

It was a beautiful moment, and I love the sentiment. However, my grandmother WOULD have been great on her own. My Grandfather too. And that, friends, is the key. (in my humblest of opinion) To be Great on your own. To be HAPPY on your own. And then, to SHARE that amazing wholeness, Divine love, and internal Joy with another Soul. How beautiful! What a gift!

"You complete me." The line from Jerry McGuire literally makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Tiger Woods, Hollywood, friends, family, let's all complete ourselves...find our own sense of Wholeness. Be our own Soulmates. Let's be HAPPY inside ourselves FIRST, and watch our relationships with others flourish.

So Mr. Grand Central, YES! I am happy, but not BECAUSE of my marriage, I am JOYFUL to be alive, to be ME, in love with life, and my marriage is stronger and more fulfilling because of it!

2009-12-13T19:47:00.001-05:00

"So do it. If you win, you win, and if you lose, you win."-from the movie "Raging Bull"

Risks...

Today, I showed up at a cafe, ready to do a Vision Boarding workshop with 7 other women (took a risk). I was there by myself for 30 minutes and no one else came. At first, I felt a bit awkward sitting there with my pile of magazines, scissors, glue, and just me.

Then I noticed the paintings in the cafe and how beautiful they were. A young woman wandering by stopped, and lovingly asked me to tell her more about Vision Boarding. The East West Books Cafe was filled with amazing sacred music and the energy from the other customers was vibrating at a beautiful level that made me feel like dancing. My Moon Cycle tea was incredibly comforting and empowering. A woman, who was a Medium, and I struck up a beautiful conversation and we are getting together soon. Oh, and the man behind the counter gave me my Vegan cornbread for free.

I took a Risk to host this Meetup.com get-together, to show up, be vulnerable, and let go of the outcome. At first the outcome seemed "wrong". Where was everyone? Should I take this personally? I felt a bit rejected. Then, with an energetic shift, I realized that I was EXACTLY where I needed to be.

Letting go of "expecations" and "outcomes". Taking the Risk of surrendering to the Divine Timeline. Remaining open to the Blessings of the Universe. Realizing that what I truly needed this afternoon was time to connect with my soul, an alone moment to just "Be".

I looked down at the "fortune" on my tea tag. "Honor yourself and your beautiful soul", it read.

So munching on my cornbread, sipping my tea, and relishing in the love and light of the cafe, that is EXACTLY what I did.

2009-12-03T12:30:00.003-05:00

The morning of my Awakening, I decided to do a Tarot Reading for myself. My decision was to draw just one card. As I closed my eyes and allowed my left hand to brush over the shiny surfaces, I turned off the chatter of my brain and just Listened. I touched the card that spoke to me, turned it over, and read the title, "Soulmates".

Whoah. Intense. SOULMATES? What did that mean? I was in the midst of a transformational trip to Costa Rica with classmates from The Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Was someone on the trip my Soulmate? I had recently met and interacted with an incredibly wise spiritual guide. Was he my Soulmate? And what about my beautiful husband at home? Of course, he HAD to be my soulmate, right? This card HAD to be telling me that I had met my SOULMATE. Oh, my goodness, was I confused!

I took a few deep breaths and decided to head to the place where tension is released, my heart warmed, and my dreams realized...a Fitness Facility.:) I walked across the road to the one gym I had found in Nosarra, Costa Rica, and began to get my sweat on.

As we all know, the Universe works in beautiful ways, and I opened up a book that my good friend and angel Christy had felt moved to lend me, "Soul Psychology", by Joshua David Stone. The chapter was on Self Love and Acceptance. "Oh, I totally understand this," I thought to myself. Self-love and acceptance is something I've practiced forever! Heck, I TEACH clients about these concepts. However, I was moved to read more.

The words touched me in a way that is difficult to describe. They crawled under my skin and into my Heart. The author talked of Self-Love as UNCONDITIONAL Divine Love. Hmmmm...I knew how to love myself, when I was being "Good". When I was receiving promotions at work, affirmation from others, or staying busy with "doing it all". However, UNCONDITIONAL Self-Love was a whole new concept for me. I wondered if I could love myself if I stopped playing all the "Good Girl" roles, if I was just Me, just BEING. Could I love myself separately from the opinions of others and the Outside World? That sounded amazing and freeing to me...and a little scary.

Suddenly I felt a warm, yellow/white light all around my head, gushing into my body, literally infusing every one of my cells with this Unconditional Love and Acceptance.

I listened, and the words came..."YOU ARE YOUR OWN SOULMATE."

I cried. I bawled in that tiny little gym in Costa Rica.

The Prodigal Daughter learning to love herself for the FIRST TIME.

"You are your own soulmate."

I cried, healing so many hurts, so many feelings of inadequacy or lack of worth. I cried, and I let go of playing Small, and other Martyrdom acts that do not serve me.

I cried and then I came Home to me, My Soulmate.

2009-11-29T21:15:00.005-05:00

Lice Lessons

I caught lice. Really. Just when I thought I knew how to be centered and calm in the face of chaotic circumstances, creepy crawly cooties took over my noggin. FOR TWO WEEKS.

I would LOVE to tell you that I handled this well, that my beautifully wise inner voice said, "This too will pass. Things could be so much worse. At least your family is healthy and you have a roof over your head and an amazing life...blah blah.." Well, that inner voice may have been speaking, but it was drowned out by my wailing, cursing, sobbing, and ruing the day I ever felt called to work with children.

Seriously folks, I let this circumstance throw me for a MAJOR LOOP. I am glad I am still married, as I insisted on keeping my husband awake as I spent 1.5 hours at night combing out my hair with baking soda and conditioner. (usually around 10:30pm) My cleaning of the apartment, especially clothes and bedding took on an obsessive compulsive like quality, and for those of you who know me, this is NOT NORMAL! I am now VIP of the Cho's Laundry Mat. My combing was so intense and enthusiastic that I definitely lost half my hair and in the darkest of hours, I had quarantined myself to the apartment maniacally watching You Tube videos about lice, louse, nits, and eggs. Trust me, there are A LOT of these videos. I am as surprised as you.

Viktor Frankyl, Holocaust survivor, renowned author, and INCREDIBLE man stated, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Sigh. Didn't QUITE take his advice in this situation. Not even close, actually. Yet, next time, I deal with more "life lessons", I would like to think that I will do a better job at staying hopeful, calm, and steady. I know that this is part of the reason I caught lice in the first place. To teach me more about letting go, surrendering, and knowing that "this too will pass." And to help me remember that in the face of seemingly "major" life challenges, I have the strength of spirit to remain grounded, loving, and WHOLE. To choose my own way, a positive path towards healing and renewal.

Ah, more life lessons for Cora.

Or shall I say LICE lessons.:)

2009-11-20T18:14:00.000-05:00

The Blame Game

Ten minutes ago I was walking home on this beautiful fall day in NYC in a rather common state of utter bliss and appreciation for the fact that I, Cora Poage, live in friggin Manhattan!!! I was practically skipping because I had just experienced a fabulous work out, was drinking a beet/carrot/apple/ and ginger juice, and had been reading the most awesome book ever, The Way of Being by Carl Rogers. I was on Cloud Nine.

When I reached my door, a gentleman was sitting on the stairs, directly in my path. As I walked closer, I noticed that there was plenty of room for me to get by. No problem. So I sidestepped around this "roadblock", and shifted my two self-help books, large juice, wallet, cell phone, and two Lara Bars into my right hand so I could scramble for my keys with my left...and I dropped them...(Imagine that...lol)

Cora's first thought: "Why is this guy sitting here?? If he wasn't sitting here I wouldn't have dropped my keys and had to bend down and pick them up, risking losing EVERYTHING I was carrying. The nerve of him!"

Cora's Next Thought: "OMG! How easy it is for us to blame someone else! Here I am trying to carry more objects than a Hertz Moving Van, and I blame it on this poor bloke sitting on one stair, who even scooted of my way. (sorta)"

I like taking responsibility for things I perceive as good. For example, today, I take full responsibility for remembering to feed the kittens, returning client calls and emails, writing my Morning Pages, and remembering self-care through an awesome work-out. I even did homework for University of Santa Monica.

However, taking responsibility for the more "negative" parts of life are a bit harder. Let me try it.

I take responsibility for dropping my keys because I was trying to carry WAY to many objects at one time. I didn't have a bag with me because I chose not to grab one when I was running out of the apartment. Hmmmm....I already feel better.

Now, I shift into radical self-forgiveness...

I forgive myself for CHOOSING to rush out and for trying to carry to much at once. I also forgive myself for blaming stair sitting John Doe who was just trying to listen to a little music.

I feel much better. Taking responsibility for where I am in life feels scary AND really good.

What I know for sure, is that the minute I started blaming someone else for my life circumstance, I felt really heavy and kinda crummy. I forgot how much I appreciate and adore my life, and started shifting into a negative place so quickly. When I practiced the acts of "taking responsibility" and "self-forgiveness" my energy pumped right back up and I felt like me again. It is a CHOICE of blame or responsibility!

No one wins the Blame Game....But I can choose not to participate!!!

2009-11-13T19:47:00.000-05:00

"You must not watch the clock or the calendar. You must watch your heart, know the truth, and be patient with your unfolding process."-Iyanla Vanznt

Each New Year's, I gravitate towards a similar Resolution: "This year, I will not be late...ever again." I can already here the laughter from my friends and family as they read this. I know, I know, last time we met up, I was at least ten minutes late...I get it.

So I am here to claim, to own, the fact that sometimes authenticity ISN'T pretty, and friends, my AUTHENTIC SELF does not give a CRAP about time. There I said it. Judge me as you will. I would rather float around on intuition and feelings instead of "time frames" and an annoying Blackberry clock. (I gave up watches YEARS ago when I kept wearing them in the shower)

However, as long as I live on this planet, am employed by someone else, have dates with friends, planes to catch, etc...I am aware that I need to have some grasp on the concept of time.

This weekend, I learned a MAJOR lesson in this area of my life. Picture me in Los Angeles, the City of Angels, on Wilshire Boulevard alone. Something truly endearing about me, (not sure my husband would agree) is that I FULLY believe I CAN do it all. Consequently, I had woken up after a full night's sleep (7-8 hours), spent some awesome friend time with Em, stopped at Starbucks for my morning Soy Doppio Machiatto, Bank of America for my daily cash allowance from the ATM, AND finished a 30 minute elliptical workout at the gym. Whew!

My Grad School class at University of Santa Monica began at 10am. It was 9:35am. I had NO IDEA how I was getting to school. Damn my "wandering spirit" ways...where was my Type A personality when I needed it??

My blackberry gave me directions to a bus stop. Local bus, unfortunately, and not the one I needed. My heart started beating faster. Taxi? This wasn't New York City. Hitchhiking? Too many horror movies about that very topic. I called a couple Cali friends in tears, but to no avail.

Running through my head were the words, "I'm going to be late. I'm going to be late." I saw my grandmother's face, "The only roadblock to your ultimate sucess in life Cora, is your "issue" with puncutality." Stress, anxiety, fear, my ego, they were all having a PARTY inside of this body of mine.

Suddenly, I nearly fell over with Divine Inspiration (the Angelic kind). I kid you not. In an instant, I switched gears energetically, and I began to repeat the words, "I am going to be on time. I am going to be on time." Thank you City of Angels...

Just then, I noticed a woman walking down the street in my direction (Angel #1). I asked her what bus and bus stop I needed. She pointed me in the right direction. In my heels, skinny, jeans, and HUGE bag that is only necessary for a woman who TRULY believes she can do it all, I went sprinting down the street. Two blocks and four bleeding toes later, I made it to the bus stop, JUST as the bus was pulling away. But the driver (Angel #2), stopped the bus and let me hurtle myself onto it. Deep breath, deep breath...I was going to make it.

At 9:50, I was dropped off 10-15 minutes from my school on foot. Oh man, this was cutting it close. I picked up speed, my feet screaming at me with every step. Just then I heard a honk. I stopped, turned, wondering if I have to give some creepy UCLA guys a dirty look, when I saw Anita (Angel #3), one of my fellow students at USM! "Hop in", she says. "I can drop you off right in front!"

Friends, I did make it on time. I even had a moment to run to the bathroom before class to put bandaids on my feet and comb my disheveled excuse for hair.

Was it chance? Oh no, no it was not. Somehow, someway, my Soul wasn't going to let me be late this time. I chose to focus on being on time, instead of being late, and the Universe sent me Angel after Angel to manifest this Blessing.

So yes, I tend to be on the late side of most events and engagements, but I am beginning to realize the power of Postive thoughts, trust, and faith in the process of the Universe. Oh, and of course in the presence of Angels, yet this I have always known to be true.

Forget watches and clocks, I am on Angel time.:)

2009-11-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Cat Wings and Babicat's Soul

When I was a child, one of my favorite books was called Cat Wings. I don't remember much about it, but I do know that the main characters were felines who were born with wings. The main characters always felt "different" and put up with much teasing. However, their mother tried to remind them that they were beautiful, wonderful, just the way they were meant to be. This book has been on my mind quite often, these past few days.

On Thursday, Ben and I made the decision to put Babicat, our 15 year old shelter cat, to sleep. We were caught off guard with her Cancer diagnosis. We had witnessed her physical deteriation in the last week or so, but told ourselves it was the flu.

I would like to say that I was brave and strong for her in the Veterinarian's Office, that I held her as they gave gave her the lethal dose of whatever it is they give her. Instead, I was useless, and bawling, and trying so hard to escape from my own pain.

I DID have one hand on her beautiful body and one hand holding onto Ben's when she passed. Babicat was the brave one. She laid down on the examination table and looked up at me with this peaceful acceptance. Babicat purred all the way to the end...

With reflection, I do live in a place of utter gratitude for the time in my life that included Babicat. She was an amazing feline who truly connected with humans on a soul level. She ran to the door whenever one of us walked into the apartment, eager to give and receive love. (or Purina)

Babicat also taught me a lesson that probably saved my life. She taught me, the perpetual people-pleaser/doer/performer how to RELAX. I learned that it was perfectly fine to spend hours staring out the window, batting at pigeons. (The neighbors thought it slightly strange) To rest when needed, eat when hungry, and when LOVE appeared, to absolutely melt into it.

She showed me how to breathe in rhythm with my heart. Babicat told me, through her own behavior, that I AM ENOUGH. (even without the rushing, doing, achieving) Babicat helped give me a kind of peace I knew existed, but had not yet embraced.

And what else could I do when my darling Babicat needed my support more than ever? What else could I do to show gratitude to my friend, my teacher than give her the Peace that she needed. To give her body permission to let go.

Her Soul permission to fly?

So Cat Wings, the book, is on my mind right now. In my heart, whenever I remember Babicat, she definitely has wings, two beautiful, white, angelic wings. She paws at the pigeons, purrs when she loves, and tells me every day that I am enough.

2009-10-30T23:55:00.000-04:00

"You can't fail blogging...You can however, blog about failing." These were the words that my dear friend Matt shared with me through the "intimacy" of a Facebook comment on my page. Little did he know that his advice would inspire me to do something that has frightened me for over a year: Write my first blog post.

So just as the clock strikes Midnight on this Halloween 2009, I am facing my Fear. No, not the witches that fly on broomsticks, the monsters under my bed, or domestic duties that may or may not need my attention this weekend (Gag!)...I am facing my fear of FAILING...And Lord knows I have BIG, LOUD, HAIRY fear of failing at blogging.

What if no one reads my writing? What if you all think I SUCK! What if my family reads my posts and gets really embarrassed? What if I write words that bring up emotions inside of me that I don't want to face? What if I have one follower for my entire blogging venture whose name is spelled with three letters. M-O-M.

Where does this fear of failing come from? Maybe the feeling goes all the way back to getting rejected from Pop Singers in high-school (failure to live up to my musical potential), or bringing home a low grade in Home Ec (failure to succeed in any task that involves an oven or sewing machines), or maybe even that Saturday morning when I had to explain to my mom why my car was parked in the neighbor's front yard. (failure that needs no explanation)

However, I have a sinking suspicion that my Fear of Failing has to do with something much deeper. (Uh-Oh, hear goes Cora on the spiritual, soul-filled rant) I think, up until now, I have been safe in my fear. SAFE IN MY FEAR??? What does that mean? I think it means that my fear has been my companion for a long time. Whenever a dream seems too big or impossible, I join up with my friend Fear and we kick back in our lawn chairs, sip lemonade, and observe OTHER people taking action in the directions of THEIR dreams. Or we just chill with the vast majority of people in the world who are sitting on the sidelines with us. It is SO easy, almost comfortable to hang out with Fear, to keep playing small, to live my life in "What If" Land.

Yet, I don't even like lemonade. And this lawn chair is starting to seriously hurt my booty. I think I am ready to accept that Fear is going to want to hang out with me once in awhile, but I have the power to say NO.

Maybe I WILL suck. Maybe you WON'T like my writing. Maybe my parents will be my only fans. However, on this Halloween, I am going to say, that like me or not, I AM blogging. It may not be the "safe" choice, but at least I am taking action towards my dreams. To quote from someone else's Facebook account (thank you Jonathon Wilson), "If you are facing in the right direction, all you have to do is take one step forward." Let the blogging begin...